Werewolves of London

Did you know there are over 1,000 medieval castles in England? God only knows how many in the whole of the U.K.

Do you know how many ghosts inhabit these castles? ::Shudder::

I don't know how many. But they say the MOST prolifically haunted castle in England (or all of Britain, for that matter) is Northumberland's Chillingham Castle.

Aptly named, no? (I mean the Chilling part.)

Chillingham is the home of the infamous "Blue Boy," who wanders Chillingham's nooks and crevices and makes scary noises 'round about midnight down the castle's passageways. (Castles have passageways, not halls.)

Chillingham also offers self-catering apartments, the brochure says. I don't know what that is.

Another is Old Wardour Castle in the south of England. West of England. Southwest of England. Wiltshire. (Wiltshire was named after the main street in downtown Los Angeles. Just a little trivia. Wait. That's "Wilshire". Never mind.) There is a lake nearby. The Kevin Costner version of Robin Hood was filmed there. That's pretty scary. By all that's holy, though, don't let the sun go down on you (like Elton John says) at Old Wardour! Lady Blanche Arundell is the ghost in residence at Wardour Castle. After a month-long seige, Oliver Cromwell imprisoned her, then executed her. (Seldom is it the other way around.) She walks from the castle to the lake at sunset. And rarely eats. (My assumption.)

Dartmoor National Park, or close to it, in that little bit of heaven, Devon, is Berry Pomeroy Castle. (I will spare you my Ronnie Dove imitation of "Little Bit of Heaven.") It is the haunted home of ... ummmm... (wait for it) Berry Pomery. Pomeroy Castle is a ruin, though. The brochure says "romantic" ruin. Sorry. Plenty of ghosties there, but the featured attraction is The White Lady. oooooEEEEEEooooo. Kinda un-pc to call someone just the White Lady in this day and age, don't you think? She hangs out in the dungeons. So YOU stay up in the kitchen or out on the ruined patio, if you know what's good fer ye. Arrrrh! Many think - and you may, too - that The White Lady (ooooEEEEEoooo) is really the spirit of Margaret Thatcher Pomeroy, whose sister imprisoned her in the dungeon until she starved to death. (Margaret, not her sister.) Wonder where Berry was at the time? Anyway, you'd think Maggs would haunt out in the kitchen since she starved to death.

The brochure says "slowly" starved to death. But that is probably always the way of starvation, and unnecessary to point out.

Happy haunting.

April Fool. Not. All of the above is true and unembellished.

Ahhhh-Hoooooooo!