U.S. Government workers slowly return to work

UK helps by sending Prince Harry to check returning workers' IDs.

More word games

There are British words that don't have American equivalents. Then, there are British words which aren't really used in American English, but which Americans readily understand (or vice-versa.) There are British words that Americans THINK they recognize, but they aren't what they think they are.

The following nouns, things, are interesting because most of them don't even mean anything at all to an American - at least they don't mean what they mean to a Brit.

Americans have their own words for all of these common items, though. Can any of you (Americans or non-Americans) list the American versions of these words?

Note: Wikipedia says all these words are in common British usage. I don't always trust Wikipedia, so let me know if they are lying.

drawing pin

flannel

full stop

paraffin

hob

invigilator

jumper

flyover

kitchen roll

ladybird

elastoplast

reel of cotton

loudhailer

counterfoil

nappy

rasher

turn-ups

electric fire

---------

The answers (American versions of the above words) appear below. Don't look until you've tried to translate on your own first. :)







thumb tack

wash cloth

period (punctuation)

kerosene

kitchen stove burner

proctor

sweater

freeway overpass

paper towels

ladybug

band-aid

spool of thread

megaphone, bullhorn

stub (as in ticket stub or check stub)

diaper

slice (of bacon)

cuffs (on trousers)

space heater

Is this letter genuine?

There is a letter circulating on the internet today, purportedly from the Syrian Parliament to the U.S. House of Representatives, in which the Syrian side of the current conflict is allegedly put forth in an attempt to persuade the U.S. Congress to approach the Syrians diplomatically before they vote on a unilateral attack this week.

I don't know if the letter is genuine, and the fact that the only website it appears to be on is the British National Party website makes it even more suspect by some. The Mail took the letter down but the Guardian still shows the link in their comments. I'm not impressed by any of those three websites, but just in case the letter is legitimate, I share the link for your consideration and comments.

Here is the link to the PDF via the BNP website.

The PDF takes a while to load.

10 more British words and their translations by me

1. Tosser.

The guy who throws the ball to the batter in cricket. Not the same as the wanker guy.

2. Bloody.

Soaked with blood.

3. Chuffed.

All scraped up. Derivative of scuffed.

4. Fancy.

Something special, as in "I hope you don't fancy a fancy dinner tonight."

5. Fortnight.

When tourists spend the night at the Alamo.

6. Sorted.

Revolting. Americans say "sordid."

7. Anti-clockwise.

Not in favor of being on time for appointments.

8. Zed,

Jed's brother. As in...

Fabienne: Whose motorcycle is this?
Butch: It's a chopper, baby.
Fabienne: Whose chopper is this?
Butch: It's Zed's.
Fabienne: Who's Zed?
Butch: Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

9. Twigs 'n berries 'n bits 'n bobs.

Stuff.

10. Sod off.

A mudslide.

11. Whinge.

What you do when you slam your finger in a door.

12. Fiver.

£5

13. Tenner.

A male opera singer.

14.

R.I.P. Seamus Heaney, Pen Digger

Soil and Strife (Obit)

























My grandfather cut more turf in a day
Than any other man on Toner's bog.
Once I carried him milk in a bottle
Corked sloppily with paper. He straightened up
To drink it, then fell to right away

Nicking and slicing neatly, heaving sods
Over his shoulder, going down and down
For the good turf. Digging.

The cold smell of potato mould, the squelch and slap
Of soggy peat, the curt cuts of an edge
Through living roots awaken in my head.
But I've no spade to follow men like them.

Between my finger and my thumb
The squat pen rests.
I'll dig with it.

Another voice silenced

There was some bad news on TV today.

Linda Ronstadt can't sing anymore. She's announced she has Parkinson's Disease. Seems the disease, which attacks the muscles, including those in one's throat, makes it impossible for the victim to sing. And she is having trouble getting around. Spending some time in a wheelchair.

Ah, well. That sucks.

I first heard of her by way of her first hit record, "Different Drum" (by The Stone Poneys "Featuring Linda Ronstadt" as it says on the label of the original 45 - which I have a copy of somewhere.) Her voice was wasted on the Stone Poneys and she soon went out on her own.

But I don't have to tell you that. You know her as a famous recording artist, Rock and Roll, Country, Pop. Even more.

I don't like her politics, and I didn't like her political rants at her concerts where people paid good money to hear her sing, not preach. But I sure liked her music.

And I will miss it now.

I remember being shocked when I saw her in a TV production of Gilbert and Sullivan's "Pirates of Penzance". Shocked, because I always thought of her as a Rock and Roll singer and Rock and Roll singers don't sing opera. Linda sure did, though. Wow.

Why do I post this info about an American singer of Mexican heritage on my BritishSpeak blog, you ask? And well you might.

Because Mssrs. Gilbert and Sullivan were British. Doncha remember?

Here is Linda as Mable singing Poor Wandering One near the beginning of "Pirates."




Here is a related post I made a long time ago which also links to another "Pirates" clip with Mable and her many sisters, daughters all of the Modern Major General, and the cast, singing a reprise of "Wandering One" which segues into "Go Ye Heroes". So cool.

I love Gilbert and Sullivan, did I tell you? I love Pirates of Penzance. I loved Kevin Kline as the Pirate King. And Angela Lansbury...

Ah well.

Here's the pirates in "With Cat-Like tread" if you'd like to listen to it again. How could you not?

Prince Harry accidentally reveals royal baby gender!

Such was the headline of a stupid celebrity gossip site that Google stuck in front of my face when I searched to see if anything royal had been born yet.

Give me a break! Even Adullamite wouldn't believe the crap that site cranks out. I wouldn't even read it if I didn't have to do some serious research for my own blog.

According to "reports", the site gushes, "Harry has been telling everyone Wills and Kate are having a boy and how THRILLED he is at the prospect of having a little nephew.

And thus dropping His Harryness down to about 117th in line to the throne. Thrilled. I'm sure.

Ok, 4th.

I think.

And if he lives to be 400, Harry might become king. Of something.

"I'm 'enery the ninth I am, 'enery the ninth I am I am
I got married to the widder next door
She's been married eight times before
And every one was an 'enery
She wouldn't have a willy (Ha!) or a Sam
(No Sam)
I'm her ninth old man named 'enery

'Enery the ninth I am.
Holy crap!"

Contraction Watch

Any time now. Maybe as I am writing this. Maybe before you read this. All the U.K. (or at least England) is betting on just about everything baby right now. Boy? Girl? (Girl) Color hair? (Ginger of course.) Rich? You bet.

I'm so excited.

If it's a girl, name her Diana.

If it's a boy? Well, perhaps he'll be king at the turn of the next century. Make one of his names Arthur. And one Albert. And one George. If you have room for one more, I vote for "Mick."

Have there ever been three future kings alive at the same time before?

Probably.

62 gun salute from the tower. (or is it to be 65?)

What a time to be alive, hey?

Getting girls and such

The primary question on the mind of a teenaged boy of hormonal overload age has always been the same throughout history: "How do I get girls?"

For quite some time now, the main answers to that - and both seem perfectly logical to said boys - are: "I'll go out for sports and be a football star" and "I'll start a rock and roll band."

Both work.

What if you are a skinny kid with an unfortunate nose whose eyesight is so weak you have to wear thick glasses all the time, just to keep from running into trees? Probably the football idea would give way to learning how to play a guitar.

Such seems to be the case with a kid by the name of John Lennon. Or maybe not - he always liked music even before he discovered girls.
---------

Menlove Street, Liverpool.

John lived with his aunt (his mother's sister) and his uncle, but always was in contact with his mother. He never had much contact with his father Alf.

Julia Lennon taught her son how to play the banjo. Skiffle seeds were planted, one assumes. They both loved Elvis Presley. The first song he learned how to play was Fats Domino's "Ain't That a Shame."

School was Dovedale Primary (Infant) School. Up a few blocks, Dovedale intersects with Penny Lane. Nearby was the old sandstone quarry, subsequently a trash tip and industrial area. Upon passing his 11 Plus, John began attending nearby Quarry Bank Grammar School. Finished that in 1957.

Julia Lennon bought her son his first guitar in 1957. She warned him that he couldn't make a living with a guitar. Too late. School troublemaker John had already formed a band called ...erm... The Quarrymen.

Workhouses

"Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?"
—Ebenezer Scrooge, in Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol"


Finding people work (or getting people to work when there is an alternative) is one of society's age-old problems.

Recent reports show the unemployment rate in the U.K. at around 7.9%, and the U.S. at about 7.7%, give or take. I doubt those figures. I think they are both low,  because, while they derive from the number of people receiving unemployment payments from the government (at least in the U.S.) they do not take into consideration the number of people whose "benefits" have run out and who have given up looking for work, but are still definitely "unemployed." (Again, in the U.S., at any rate.)

In Victorian times, there was, theoretically, no such thing as "unemployed." You either had a job, working for yourself or for someone else, or you were employed by the government in a workhouse. For the latter, you were housed and fed and clothed, after a fashion, and schooled or trained for employment. The fruits of your labor is what produced or purchased the aforementioned food, shelter, clothing and education.

We all know it didn't really work, although it looked good on paper to those who were searching for a way to help the poor. In reality, it was pretty heartless.

Our President Clinton and legislature tried to bring back that concept through a system called "Workfare" in which those who were physically able were required to do work or school themselves in return for their welfare check. That hasn't set too well with the liberals. President Obama really doesn't like the concept of mandatory working in return for a paycheck, and has tried to change the law to where thinking about looking for work should be credited as actual work. None of this stuff seems to be working in the U.S. (although conservatives SAY it is working, and point to the large numbers of people who have managed to break the cycle of welfare dependancy through being assigned a job or training before they can eat.) I think it is being tried in Britain as well, or being talked about. With my humble knowledge of the British entitlement society, that isn't going to fly at all over there. I don't know if you've tried it or are just talking about it. I recommend you do NOT put it into practice.

Any suggestions on how to humanely replace the old workhouses? On the surface, I personally favor vocational training for those who are (truly) able-bodied -- but even as I say this I know that won't work. There are just too many unemployed who already have a skill and don't need training. They just can't find work in the field they are trained for. Mandatory retraining is repulsive to me because being retrained into work you hate kills the soul. There are probably other ideas. Of course, this assumes the reader of this is in agreement that it is good for a person to earn his own way in our society whenever possible, and that holding up liquor stores and selling drugs for a living is not good for society.

A good article on British workhouses is at http://www.workhouses.org.uk/Leeds/

Purring in ripples (Off Seaton Sluice)

By The North Sea

Her cheek was wet with North Sea spray,
We walked where tide and shingle meet;
The long waves rolled from far away
To purr in ripples at our feet.
And as we walked it seemed to me
That three old friends had met that day,
The old, old sky, the old, old sea,
And love, which is as old as they.

Out seaward hung the brooding mist
We saw it rolling, fold on fold,
And marked the great Sun alchemist
Turn all its leaden edge to gold,
Look well, look well, oh lady mine,
The gray below, the gold above,
For so the grayest life may shine
All golden in the light of love.

—Arthur Conan Doyle

[Photo: North Sea off Seaton Sluice]

Top thirteens

England:
1. Greater London 8,278,251
2. West Midlands (Birmingham) 2,284,093
3. Greater Manchester 2,240,230
4. West Yorkshire (Leeds) 1,499,465
5. Tyneside (Newcastle) 879,996
6. Liverpool 816,216
7. Nottingham 666,358
8. Sheffield 640,720
9. Bristol 551,066
10. Brighton 461,181
11. Portsmouth Urban Area 442, 252
12. Leicester Urban Area 441,213
13. Bournemouth Urban Area 383,713

Great Britain:

1. Greater London 8,278,251

2. West Midlands (Birmingham) 2,284,093

3. Greater Manchester 2,240,230

4. West Yorkshire (Leeds) 1,499,465

5. Greater Glasgow 1,199,629

6. Tyneside (Newcastle) 879,996

7. Liverpool 816,216

8. Nottingham 666,358

9. Sheffield 640,720

10. Bristol 551,066

11. Brighton 461,181

12. Portsmouth Urban Area 442, 252

13. Leicester Urban Area 441,213

UK:

1. Greater London 8,278,251

2. West Midlands (Birmingham) 2,284,093

3. Greater Manchester 2,240,230

4. West Yorkshire (Leeds) 1,499,465

5. Greater Glasgow 1,199,629

5. Tyneside (Newcastle) 879,996

6. Liverpool 816,216

7. Nottingham 666,358

8. Sheffield 640,720

9. Bristol 551,066

10. Belfast Metropolitan Urban Area 579, 554

11. Brighton 461,181

12. Portsmouth Urban Area 442, 252

13. Leicester Urban Area 441,213

I was surprised at how little the lists changed. I don't know why I was surprised. Yet I was happy too, because all I had to do was copy and paste instead of typing the list three times. God's way of telling me this was a stupid post? You be the judge.

Amazing but true:

England has 84% of the UK population, 53% of the UK land area.

Meaningless stat (but it begged to be done):

London has 16% of England's population, 1% of England's land area.

Other fun facts (for those who don't know the definition of "fun"):

Where is the point farthest from the sea in England? Nobody seems to know. I found a claim for farthest to the sea in all the UK (see below) but that wasn't the question. (Note, for those of you who think this means "see," I assure you the question is not asking, "farthest from the pope." K?)

Most distant places in England? Probably Lands End to Marshall Meadows Bay, a distance of (using my American metric skills) about 8.6 km. Give or take.

Long after I had tired of reading the arguments about "place farthest from the sea" I ran across the following from a BBC website. I'll bet this is what you guessed, too. You will note it ignores the question, "... farthest point from the sea in England."

Just outside the quaint village of Coton in the Elms is a small farm.

It is like most other farms in Derbyshire, beautifully nestled among verdant fields and grand trees.

However Church Flatts farm is special.

The Ordnance Survey has calculated it is the furthest point from the sea in all the UK.

To be precise, the identified point is one mile south-east of the farm house occupied by Henry and Joyce Blackwell.

Mrs Blackwell said she had been informed of the farm's special status by the Ordnance Survey, but the only people who showed any interest in the site were occasional ramblers.

So, living so far away, does Mrs Blackwell visit the sea often?

"I don't think I have been to the sea since 1988," she said.

Sadly, that was to identify the body of her mother, who died while holidaying at Skegness.

Mrs Blackwell said she used to visit the beach in the 1970s when her two sons were younger.

"They have grown up now, so we don't have much reason to go to the beach."

Well, do the Blackwells ever eat fish?

Mrs Blackwell laughs: "No, I guess we are more meat eaters."

EXACT CO-ORDINATES Latitude: 52º 43.6'N Longitude: 1º 37.2'W News Online's Brady Haran built a sand castle to mark the point (see video above)

The Blackwells farm 300 sheep and 250 cattle on their 150-acre property.

For the record, the nearest section of coast to Church Flatts farm is the mean low water line at Fosdyke Wash, on the edge of The Wash, south of Boston, in Lincolnshire.

This is some 70 miles (113 kilometres) away.

However, to be highly technical, the nearest high tide point is on the River Trent, which is a tidal river.

Using this definition, the nearest point to Church Flatts Farm is at Cromwell Lock, north of Newark, in Nottinghamshire.

This is just 45 miles (72 kilometres) from the farm.

---------
And so to bed.

PS-In case anyone was curious, Edinburgh was, like, number 53.

Happy Valentines Day

I was watching the Kennedy Center Honors on TV not too long ago, hosted by our President and First Lady, and one of the honorees was Led Zeppelin. They're a bit older now. They looked like they were having a good time, sitting up there in the balcony all dressed up, next to Michelle and Barack. They were feted on stage by their friends who played and sang some of the old music.

Led Zeppelin was Jimmy Page, John Bonham, Robert Plant, and John Paul Jones. After Zeppelin, Jimmy Page and Robert Plant, with Jeff Beck, formed a group called The Honey Drippers. One of the Honeydripper's successes was an old Phil Phillips tune called Sea of Love.

That one's good for Valentine's Day, don't you think?



 And a bonus old Ray Charles number:

(Try and) Findus

The following news story really had me snorting and pawing the ground and champing at the bit when I read it. Any unauthorized additions to the story appear in [brackets.]

(NEWSER) – First British and Irish consumers were aghast to discover horse meat in their hamburgers. Now, horse meat is turning up in frozen beef lasagnas, with 11 of 18 tested Findus products containing horse meat in the 60% to 100% range, reports the AP. Findus pulled its beef lasagnas [is lasagnas really a word?] from stores and apologized immediately, saying it had "fully resolved" issues with its meat supplies.

While horse meat is not considered a hazard per se, [or at least not one we would pay for, says the NHS] food safety officials are testing the meat for the veterinary drug phenylbutazone, which is banned from entering the food chain. Many food officials are pointing fingers at Irish beef exporters, who in turn are blaming Polish suppliers [who in turn are blaming the lax disposal methods of royal polo ponies.] The UK Food Standards Agency is calling for more comprehensive meat testing to ensure labels accurately represent products.

[End of news story]

May I note that I have never seen an Irish consumer aghast? This thought itself is a mental treat to me in my news story reverie. Truly. An Irish consumer in a genuine state of aghastment, perhaps sitting on a curb/kerb with his/her head in his/her hands, perhaps a horse lover forever disillusioned with his/her trusted government meat inspectors. Did you know you can buy bison meat in the U.S. - all ground up to make bison burgers out of - right next to the ground beef packages in the meat display case in some supermarkets? Well, you can. But you won't mistake it for ground beef because it is too red and lacks all the fat of American ground beef.

Extra tidbit at no extra charge: Did you know that when Arizona cops stop you for DWI and give you a breathalizer test, they ask you to try and say the word phenylbutazone while blowing into it? Then they laugh at you and arrest you anyway, and take you to jail where you are fed Sheriff Joe's green baloney sandwiches with rattlesnake protein mixed in it.

Finally, here is a gratuitous photo I stole from Soubriquet's wallet, just to see if he reads all the way down to the end of the post. Ta.

Just like video games

This past Friday on the TV news, all the liberal cable channels were aghast at what Prince Harry had (apparently) just said, giving an interview (being badgered) standing by his dusty helicopter in Afghanistan (or recently in Afghanistan.) Helicopters of modern vintage have a dazzling array of automatic functions and blinking-light star wars consoles and so (to me) it seemed only natural to compare the operation of a chopper in combat as akin to playing a video game. Of course, this was in uber-poor taste for the prince to do: comparing the killing of Taliban to a sort of video game. He meant no harm. He was only trying to explain the process to a bunch of dumb reporters. But all the press and cable TV stations were aghast, as I say - their liberal jaws slack with unutterable shock, their sensibilities gripped with a horror too intense, too awful to describe. Oh! How they will assail him in the days to come, thinks I, as I watch the charming camo-clothed chubby red-haired munchkin use his index fingers and thumbs to illustrate how one goes about strafing assorted Taliban positions. Nothing was mentioned about the Taliban also shooting up at the prince, since the American press consider them to be simply misunderstood freedom fighters.

I left it for the TV news folk to translate what he said for me. Although I watched the film clip that accompanied the story, I couldn't understand two words in a row what the exuberant Captain Wales was saying, so I was forced to accept the newscasters' version. Where are those helpful subtitles under the picture when you really need them? Is he from the North of England? My American ears simply couldn't attune to his vocal cadence. I used to be able to understand him. Perhaps Afghanistan has introduced some sort of desert impediment. You think? Well, hell, it might have been me, I could have been partly to blame, as Jimmy Buffet is fond of singing.

But, speaking of killing one's enemies with disrespect, I must admit that I immediately thought of the American drones over Pakistan or wherever. These are "flown" by pilots sitting in front of TV monitors, reacting to the visual input of the drone, miles away, and controlling it with their various remote control joysticks. So how the heck is that different than killing your enemies like they were pawns in a video game?

I ask you.

Solemnity of manner

Gravitas.

noun: dignity, seriousness, or solemnity of manner.

As in, "Dorianne Laux's poems bring a gravitas and solidity to the ordinary aspects of American life, [....]"

So now I know. And all this time I thought gravitas was a synonym for cojones, or chutzpah. As in, "Jerome finally mustered up the gravitas to stand up to the snarling dominatrix, even as she swung him by his gravitas in a wide circle like a dead cat."

Turns out it is from the Latin, and thus purely BritishSpeak and not even meant for Americans to hear, much less try to use.

Go figure.

America Ensues

Or, "A brief overview of American history written for people who live in other countries and don'r really care that much."

1. Explorers from Europe came to what they later called “America” in ships, and, well, explored.

2. More explorers came. Settlements were established. Some failed, some persisted. Land was “claimed” in the name of this or that “crown”, just as if the land wasn’t already owned by someone else.

3. More people came. Not just explorers but permanent squatters, for various reasons. Such as religious freedom and running from debt collectors. And such.

4. More and more and more people came over from Europe until the actual owners of these “new lands” began to think: “Holy mackeral! Enough is enough!” and began to defend their land and livelihood.

5. Too late. Too many white eyes had come. With guns.

6. The various “crowns” began to recognize the squatter settlements and give large amounts of land they didn’t own to various favorite individuals and corporate raiders.

7. Plunder ensued.

8. Still more people came. Eventually, they began to truly BELIEVE they owned the new lands they had explored and squatted on and plundered.

9. They called themselves "colonies," no longer trying to hide the fact that they were colonizing. Imperialistically-like.

10. Too late, the true landlords realized their immigration policy was flawed, and their lands were stolen away.

11. Maybe a hundred years pass. Many more people from Europe (all with guns) continue to illegally immigrate. The illegals slowly begin to realize they were sending a lot of goods and taxes to the "crown" with not a whole lot in return. A few of them decide that maybe they just wouldn't do it anymore.

12. Tea parties ensue.

13. Hundreds of ships arrive, courtesy of “The Crown,” loaded with red-suited guys, all with guns. Guns are an American way of life.

14. Militias being not yet well-regulated, much American ass is kicked.

15. France ensues.

16. The crown shrugs. What the hell. The USA ensues.

17. The colonies are now called “states.” They agree to form a confederation called The United States of America for mutual protection and regulated money and commerce. Or something like that. Union ensues. No power is given to the federal government though. Chaos ensues.

18. The Founding Fathers ensue.

19. The southern states finally agree to allow a few changes to be made to the Articles of Confederation. Perhaps a little power to the central government might be in order. Changes, not wholesale replacements.

20. The Founding Fathers replace the whole damn thing. Much southern pissedoffedness ensues. Especially about slavery. Compromises ensue.

21. The actual owners of the land ask politely what’s in it for them in this new paper. The Founding Fathers tell them they can’t vote or have their land back, but they won’t be taxed either. That’s mighty white of you, the Indians reply. More divisiveness ensues.

22. Decades pass. The true owners of the land are absorbed or driven farther and farther west. Manifest Destiny is assumed. Mexico has most of the vast amounts of lands she has stolen from the Indians restolen in the name of that “destiny.” Texas, California, and the New Mexico territories ensue.

23. Slavery continues in the southern states. The can is kicked down the road again and again and again.

24. Abraham Lincoln ensues.

25. Upon Abe’s election, the southern slave states secede from the union. Lincoln demurs. War ensues.

26. By executive order, Lincoln frees the slaves. The south is eventually subjugated. Lincoln is assassinated. Reconstruction ensues.

27. The gospel of Manifest Destiny persists. Westward expansion and huge landgrabs follow. Railroads are built. Gold and silver are discovered. The rightful owners of the land are herded onto reservations. Genocide ensues.

28. The Guilded Age blossoms. Cutthroat capitalism makes a few robber barons outlandishly wealthy. Common people live in abject poverty. Immigrants arrive by the tens of thousands from Europe and Asia. Exploitation ensues.

29. The twentieth century arrives with marvelous promise and wonderful inventions, but with wars and pestilence as well. Females of the species are discovered, and they want to vote. The U.S. is forced to step in and save Europe from it’s bickering and folly by winning the Great War for them. Workers unite. Labor unions ensue.

30. The economy collapses. Brother, can you spare a dime? FDR and his New Deal arrive. The New Deal is Socialism. America will never be the same. Good.

31. Once again, America is forced to go win a European war for them. An unearthly bright light turns the nighttime sky of the New Mexico desert as bright as day. Wonderment. Hell is unleashed. Armageddon ensues. Imperial Japan is subdued, but the genie is forever out of the bottle.

32. A new era of prosperity seems to be within grasp. The Cold War and the Space Race come and go. Somewhere in between the promised prosperity and the Berlin Wall and the Space Shuttle, America loses sight of what it is and why it is.

33. Jimmy Carter ensues.

34. Greed, hedonism, and a lack of focus or purpose leads the once-powerful and respected land called America down the path of disunity, bullying, and absence of any real moral character. Heavy borrowing from enemies ensues until the country is bankrupt. The rightful landowners turn to casinos for survival.

35. From nothing back to nothing in 400 years.

36. Ignorance ensues.