Clarifications on Pub etiquette

In my previous post, I left some statements in a rather ambiguous condition, because of my own paraphrasing, which invited some comments to set me straight. Thank you. What follows are the actual words used in the book I referenced. See if you agree now. (Although the spelling and terminology are American, the author is British.)

“... if you’re only there for a drink, always go to the bar when trying to order. Bars in the UK don’t have wandering waitresses ...

“A warning here: While the bar may be the only place where the Brits don’t seem to be “queuing,” customers will definitely know who got there first, second, and so on. If you try to jump this invisible queue, the barman will probably ignore you and serve the person who is really next. To ensure getting served, simply rest your elbow on the bar (if you can get near it) and hold out your empty glass or money. This must be done very casually, though. The barman will let you know when you are about to be served by looking at you as he’s serving the current customer. You should then indicate that you’ve seen this with a slight nod of the head, a smile, or any other subtle gesture. Pushing and shoving is allowed, if it’s a really busy bar...

“... you are not expected to leave a tip on the bar; indeed, you will receive some very strange looks if you do. Sometimes patrons offer to buy the bar staff a drink (“And one for yourself”) but this is not expected. If you do, the bar staffer (who may not be permitted to drink while on duty) will thank you, tell you what they like, and charge you accordingly...”

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I still maintain that it is much easier (and desirable) to simply sit at your table and nod at the waitress when she asks you "if you are ready for another one" every 5 minutes or so. Even having to tip her is better than getting up and walking to the bar and standing "amongst" a "non-queue." (Queue: a word Americans would seldom use, btw. Here we stand in "lines". In New York, you stand "on" line.)

World's best fish & chips? Apparently debatable.

Excerpted from "The Amazing Toad":

Lincolnshire is the fish 'n' chip capital of the world. I once met a chap who said: "Yorkshire has all the best fish and chip shops". With total confidence that no court would convict me, I took half a step back, sprang forward and struck him hard with a clenched fist to his throat. "You sir", says I, "are a confounded liar". He said nothing in reply - the silent testimony of the guilty, I suppose.

Haddock and chips from the late Mrs. Longden's in Upton village certainly were the best, when the venerable old soul was still shovelling coal into her 1930's fryer. Her nephew carries on with the business, I'll let you know if they're still the world's no. 1 when I've reviewed them again. Grimsby has a plethora of very good fish 'n' chip shops. My favourite in Lincoln is the Elite on Tritton Road. Mr. Chips in Louth are good too. These places are the tops - Rick Stein ain't in it.

Whatever you do, don't eat fish 'n' chips in the sweating, groaning, hell-holes that pass for holiday resorts on Lincolnshire's East coast. They cater for the troglodyte masses of Nottinghamshire and South Yorkshire, who think that what they're eating is "reet gud" on the simple premise that it isn't gruel. You eat fish 'n' chips from Skeggy for a week and you'll be dead within the year. Fact.

The worst fish and chips are to be found in the South - no arguments. Scotland comes a creditable second place in the worst-fish-n-chips-in-Britain league. Roll on independence and then with a leader called "Salmon", they might pass the "Closure of Poor Chippies Act" (2007).

Comments welcome (apart from outright lies).

Any arguments from you soft southies?

Pub Names

Here are some names of pubs that can be found in the Northeast of England:

Crown and Cross Swords (a.k.a "The Croon")
Kings Head
Bellamys Bar
Company Row
The Demi
The Freemasons Arms (a.k.a "The Masons")
The Grey Horse
The Soviet Union Bars (a.k.a "The Union")
The Turf
The Coach and Horses (a.k.a "The Coach")

The Derwentside Public House
Derwent Walk Inn
The Jolly Drovers
Horse & Groom Inn
Britannia (a.k.a "The Brit")
Duke Of Wellington
Wetherspoon
Smelters Arms
The Golden Lion
The Punchbowl Inn
The Black Horse Inn
The Miners Arms
The Braes
Churchills

Thank you Caroline. She says this list is from memory. Hmmmmmm.