Excerpted from "The Amazing Toad":Lincolnshire is the fish 'n' chip capital of the world. I once met a chap who said: "Yorkshire has all the best fish and chip shops". With total confidence that no court would convict me, I took half a step back, sprang forward and struck him hard with a clenched fist to his throat. "You sir", says I, "are a confounded liar". He said nothing in reply - the silent testimony of the guilty, I suppose.
Haddock and chips from the late Mrs. Longden's in Upton village certainly were the best, when the venerable old soul was still shovelling coal into her 1930's fryer. Her nephew carries on with the business, I'll let you know if they're still the world's no. 1 when I've reviewed them again. Grimsby has a plethora of very good fish 'n' chip shops. My favourite in Lincoln is the Elite on Tritton Road. Mr. Chips in Louth are good too. These places are the tops - Rick Stein ain't in it.
Whatever you do, don't eat fish 'n' chips in the sweating, groaning, hell-holes that pass for holiday resorts on Lincolnshire's East coast. They cater for the troglodyte masses of Nottinghamshire and South Yorkshire, who think that what they're eating is "reet gud" on the simple premise that it isn't gruel. You eat fish 'n' chips from Skeggy for a week and you'll be dead within the year. Fact.
The worst fish and chips are to be found in the South - no arguments. Scotland comes a creditable second place in the worst-fish-n-chips-in-Britain league. Roll on independence and then with a leader called "Salmon", they might pass the "Closure of Poor Chippies Act" (2007).
Comments welcome (apart from outright lies).
Any arguments from you soft southies?
I lived in Grimsby once.
ReplyDeleteSee, you don't know everything.
I still can't get why french fry's are called "chips". It's not a chip, it's a fry, fish and fry's sound so much better. :p
ReplyDeleteWell, for a start they aren't French, and second they are chipped potatoes. And the word "fries" on its own could mean anything, even Mars Bars :) We're talking British here you know :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope you aren't going to shout at me Max.
I want proper fish and chips now.
ReplyDeletea.-I am impressed. And without an ounce of sarcasm. So you do know of fish & chips. And why do I sense this is only the opening volley?... :)
ReplyDeleteChica-
ChicaChicaChicaChica
I lurked at your place last night. Love the newly retouched tats. So cool. And pay no attention to the rantings of the English with regards to French Fries. Just smile and humor them. If you find you must reply to their tauntings, try to put in lots of extra "U"s in your spelling. They will love you for it. Just pick words at random and put extra
"U"s in them.
Of course you are right. What do chips have to do with French fries? And thank you for your recent comments. You will also receive a lot of unwanted attention from myself now that you are on my list of blogs to harass daily... :)
a.-Would never shout at you my dear. It is consolation enough simply to know you are wrong. :)
Caroline-And so you shall. Here, share some of mine. Delicious. Long John Silver's you know. The best. Can't get any more proper than that, eh?
The fish and chips here are slightly rubbish, plus that picture you posted I would never eat those - look disgusting. Best fish and chips I ever had was in London luv.
ReplyDelete@Alison-try not to hold back like that. Let me know what you think of my pictures. Sheesh. They look pretty good to me. But I am starving right now.
ReplyDeleteThe fish and chips in Scotland are "slightly rubbish"? You are the third person to say that. I am starting to believe it.
London it is, luv. I will check it out. Tomorrow, maybe. Gimme a name, though. London is a bit too general, you know?
You make me smile every time you visit. You know that, don't you? He smiles and sighs. :)
"try to put in lots of extra "U"s in your spelling. They will love you for it. Just pick words at random and put extra "U"s in them."
ReplyDeleteDouble l is every bit as important. Don't forget your double l's. And occasional double t's too.
[I've had to put in apostrophes there where I really don't think they belong, but it was unreadable without.]
this has nothing to do with Fish and Chips... but German Guide to Brit Free Holiday
ReplyDeletePerhaps it's because they are both made from potatoes. That could be the big link there. Darn people and them sticking places to food. Had a friend once, went to a Canadian pizza place and asked for Canadian bacon on her pizza. Apparently that is a no-no as the clerk rammed her a new one, and insisted she called it ham. Odd.
ReplyDeleteSheilla, I will certtainlly try to take your advice. :)
ReplyDeleteCaroline, thank you. But English is not the most universally spoken language on the planet. Chinese is. Not your fault, I hasten to add. Oh, you silly Tommies and Jerrys anyway! Stop fighting! :)
Chica, I, too, am surprised that you had a friend once. But I can retrain you to be friendly, if you like, and to also stay away from Canadian Bacon. And Chica, "Rammed her a new one"? Tsk Tsk. We are just a little bit more classy on this blog than to use fucking language like that. There are actual real live Brits reading this shit. K?
My fish and chips are the best, as my potatoes are chipped by nude women, who then are kind enough to throw any left-over oil over themselves and wrestle in it for my own, personal enjoyment.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, I even allow the oil to be cooled first.
Ah. Lord Likely. Newly pardoned and home again from Australian exile I see. And, being ever the discreet one, I note with pride you have omitted the part we both enjoy most: the hot-oiled application of a two-handed Venetian Cock Twist by one of the wrestlers as we referee the action, eh? Wot? I well remember his lordship's last such encounter. An Irish lass who made m'lord's eyes roll back in his head and his knees buckle. Fond memory that. The gasping and throat-rattling noises you made still bring me to near-tears even now. Thank you for having the discretion for not mentioning that part on my blog.
ReplyDeleteSorry I am going to disagree... the best fish and chips I had recently were from Cornwall.. at a place called Pityme... the batter was crispy and light without being greasy and the fish was landed that morning at Padstow.. even the potatoes used had been grown locally..
ReplyDeleteThe trouble is with the mass outlets is the quality and the care taken in the final product.
Sage, of course I am not in a position to judge, being only and American. But I have faith in your judgement from past experience. And, like the opening paragraph of the post itself, the silence of the others and failure to rebut your statements is quite telling in itself, don't you think? :)
ReplyDeleteI was on holiday in Scotland and i had fich and chips from a small shop on the harbour in Portree in Skye. there is only one there at the harbour front so you wont miss it. it was the worst i have ever tasted in my life and i have had many a fish and chips.
ReplyDeleteWho monitors the quality of cooking F&C shops sell. This one needs to be closed down and fast.
I was on holiday in Scotland and i had fish and chips from a small shop on the harbour in Portree in Skye. there is only one there at the harbour front so you wont miss it. it was the worst i have ever tasted in my life and i have had many a fish and chips.
ReplyDeleteWho monitors the quality of cooking F&C shops sell. This one needs to be closed down and fast.