Friday, November 4, 2011

Irish Curses

I'm in a foul mood today and don't want to be consoled; only dark thoughts for me today, if you please. Herewith some creative Irish curses to brighten your day.

May you be afflicted with the itch and have no nails to scratch with.

Lord, confound this surly sister, blight her brow with blotch and blister, cramp her larynx lung and liver, in her guts a galling give her.

May his pipe never smoke, may his teapot be broke, and to add to the joke may his kettle not boil may he lay in the bed 'till the moment he's dead may he always be fed on lob-scouse and fish oil, may he swell with the gout, may his grinders fall out, may he roar, bawl and shout, with the horrid toothache. May his temples wear horns, and all his toes corns... (this one goes on and on, but that's enough of it for now.)

May you have to stand a long time on weak legs.

Another stone on our grave, you miserable wretch.

May you suffer an unquenchable thirst. May warts and chapped hands always be with you.

Let the cat eat you and the devil eat the cat.

May you be dead before morning. May you not live tomorrow. May your friends have a fine day for your burying.

May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope.

Perking up now.


  1. Bad day huh?
    Forgive him/her and walk away.
    They may well be shot by a redneck anyway......

  2. It just goes to show how mild-mannered and amenable I am. I haven't heard any one of these before.

    That's a terrible bad limp you have there, Max.

  3. Blimey - there a bit complicated. Most Irish people I know just say fecekty-feck, or something like that!

  4. I went for years with a corrupted (but funny) version of the serenity prayer at my desk. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off."

    Churchill is always a good source for great insults, by the way.



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