Monday, April 11, 2011

I do. Oh, I do. I do I do I do I do I do.

It's true, it's true! Relax Max is SIMPLY FASCINATED by it all. Here's the deal — you folks can continue worshiping at the shrine of Barack Obama (of unknown origins, says The Donald) and I will pursue the headier delights of the upcoming (impending?) marriage of (be still, my heart) KATE. How could you claim to be utterly disinterested? I think you're all lying. Following is the fruit of the past week's tabloid dishes.

1. Kate prefers to be called Catherine.

2. Kate is related to both George Washington and George S. Patton.

3. Kate is the oldest bride in history.

4. Kate has been assigned 4 bodyguards from Scotland Yard to protect her clock.

5. Kate was a Brownie.

6. Is a morbidly moping Brad Pitt sleeping with an Angelina Jolie look-alike?

7. Teen unable to close mouth after yawning in class.

8. Kate is 6 years older than Prince William.

8a. Prince Charles is 20 years younger than Kate.

9. Kate set a high jump record in school. Dunno, that's what it said.

Explanations and clarifications found necessary due to publication before proofreading:

(These are probably not in order. Makes it more interesting that way.)

1. Title of post is from an ABBA song. I'm thinking 1 or 2 of you might not get that without this prompt. It is also a double-entendre meant to refer to the weddi.... ah, never mind.

2. If you go all the way to 8th cousins, 11 times removed, I guess I am related to George Washington, too.

3. Make that the oldest "royal" bride in history. I find that hard to believe, though they do tend to rob the cradle more often than not. But she's only 29. Really? Could she REALLY be the oldest woman ever to marry a royal? I'm guess there is another caveat the tabloid left out.

4. Make that "protect her AROUND THE clock."

5. Not a faerie. A little girl scout. Pre- girl scout. Whatever.

6. Clicked on wrong link and got those ones about Brad and yawn.

7. Make that "she is 6 MONTHS older than Prince William."

8. In dog years.

Next post: "Inattentive future queen gets hand bitten by
deranged woman." See the actual video of the human
bulldog in action. Not for the squeamish.


  1. Royal wedding? Yawwwwwn.
    Wake me up when it's all over,

  2. Is this to be a regular occurrence right up until the Big Day?

  3. Apparently she really used to be called Catherine when she was at Downe House. Or so says some bint trying to get her 15 seconds of fame in the Daily Mail at the moment. (Just another little nugget. I do my best!)

  4. Giv us Obama and you take Kate and pay for the wedding.

  5. Soubriquet, don't pretend not to care. We all know how you just eat this stuff up. You already have your vcr programmed to record it in case you oversleep. :)

  6. Yes, A. I am very regular when it comes to royal weddings. So few and far between.

  7. @Expat Mum - I heard about that too. Actually, I heard it was "Catheter." Something to do with snorting coke after lights out. I'm sure it was someone else. Well, Downe House isn't simply one of the country's leading boarding schools; it is a wonderfully caring and nurturing community, where girls aged 11 to 18 are given every opportunity and encouragement to develop new skills and flourish academically. Are you aware they have recently opened a new branch campus at Upson? Not quite finished yet, but we all have our Upson Downes, I guess.

  8. @Adullamite - He's in the mail. I even paid the postage.

    I heard the queen is paying for the wedding. So you lose twice.



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