Friday, February 8, 2013

(Try and) Findus

The following news story really had me snorting and pawing the ground and champing at the bit when I read it. Any unauthorized additions to the story appear in [brackets.]

(NEWSER) – First British and Irish consumers were aghast to discover horse meat in their hamburgers. Now, horse meat is turning up in frozen beef lasagnas, with 11 of 18 tested Findus products containing horse meat in the 60% to 100% range, reports the AP. Findus pulled its beef lasagnas [is lasagnas really a word?] from stores and apologized immediately, saying it had "fully resolved" issues with its meat supplies.
While horse meat is not considered a hazard per se, [or at least not one we would pay for, says the NHS] food safety officials are testing the meat for the veterinary drug phenylbutazone, which is banned from entering the food chain. Many food officials are pointing fingers at Irish beef exporters, who in turn are blaming Polish suppliers [who in turn are blaming the lax disposal methods of royal polo ponies.] The UK Food Standards Agency is calling for more comprehensive meat testing to ensure labels accurately represent products.

[End of news story]

May I note that I have never seen an Irish consumer aghast? This thought itself is a mental treat to me in my news story reverie. Truly. An Irish consumer in a genuine state of aghastment, perhaps sitting on a curb/kerb with his/her head in his/her hands, perhaps a horse lover forever disillusioned with his/her trusted government meat inspectors. Did you know you can buy bison meat in the U.S. - all ground up to make bison burgers out of - right next to the ground beef packages in the meat display case in some supermarkets? Well, you can. But you won't mistake it for ground beef because it is too red and lacks all the fat of American ground beef.

Extra tidbit at no extra charge: Did you know that when Arizona cops stop you for DWI and give you a breathalizer test, they ask you to try and say the word phenylbutazone while blowing into it? Then they laugh at you and arrest you anyway, and take you to jail where you are fed Sheriff Joe's green baloney sandwiches with rattlesnake protein mixed in it.

Finally, here is a gratuitous photo I stole from Soubriquet's wallet, just to see if he reads all the way down to the end of the post. Ta.


  1. I've been waiting for this post all day but I'm still waiting for the punch line. I was so sure you would have discovered that the supplier of beef lasagne to Findus is ... French. You could do so much with its name.

    Lasagne (see box lid) is the plural of lasagna if we're going to do Italianspeak.

    1. No, not the French, for sure. Horse meat is a staple there, I've heard. As common as cat mignon in a Chinese buffet. (Snails and grubs, too, n'est pas?) I've never forgotten Jack Lemmon and his meat cleaver in Irma La Douce. Nor Shirley. Eeeeerma.

      I no longer good-naturedly tease the French. Their staunchness in Mali has put the fear of god into me. :)

      There really is a food company called Findus? I always thought lasagne was just one thing. Like bologna (staying with the Italian.) So all this time I've been eating not a dish but a noodle. :)

    2. 1. Snails and frogs' legs.

      2. Finn-duss not Find-us.

      3. Multiple noodles, I imagine.

  2. Shock horror here regarding eating horses. It has less fat than the usual stuff, maybe that's what worries them?

    RDG sent me one of those pics also!

    That line of convicts, is that a family pic perhaps?

  3. That explains why consumers of Findus LasagnEs are all galloping off to the bathroom immediately after ingesting said lasagnEs!

    1. I'll admit to never consuming any Findus anything. I gather Americans are missing one of life's memorable experiences?

  4. Nothing wrong with horse meat, ask thousands of the newly acceptable French people. Or ostrich - I've eaten ostrich - or even kangaroo. They are all far less fatty than beef.

    1. Dog meat is lean too. Not for me. We have emu meat, near the taste of ostrich, I reckon. Not for me. Nor turtle, nor 'roo. I will eat ostrich and frog legs. The same day cows and pigs and chickens become extinct. I may have some lasagna this weekend. :)

    2. Mas Unforgiven:

      Little Bill: "That you here, Bob? On the cover? The Duck of Death?"

      Beauchamp: "Duke. It's the Duke -- Duke of Death."

      Little Bill. "Duck, I says."

      Me: "Find us. Find us, I says."

    3. The difficulty with Kangaroo meat is keeping it in the pan. My fridge bounced all around the house.
      When I complained to the butcher, he said I should have stunned it first.

  5. That Texas pic. It's not her, where are all the tattoos she got while she was working on the sheriff's chain-gang?

  6. And don't think it can't happen to you.
    Close to 200,000 horses from the U.S. are slaughtered each year, mostly in Canada and Mexico.

    When you buy something that is labelled ground beef, or burger, can you really be sure that beef is what you're getting?

    Ever since I was a child, I've had a deep suspicion of minced (u.s. 'ground') meats, of sausages, and other mystery meats.

    I've eaten them, but I prefer something I can recognise, and preferably bought from a real butcher, who can tell you who raised it, and on which local farm.

  7. Stop press: The only european countries so far not to have found geegees in their beef, are Norway and Switzerland.

  8. Replies
    1. Dear x,

      You can't make up an entire new friggin' bogus profile and then spoil the illusion of anonymity by closing your comment with xxx. Jesus.

    2. WHOA .... who spilled the milk all over YOUR cookies ???? '

      x' isn't new nor bogus nor illusionary. 'x' just happens to be my name when I'm a chattin' to my sweetheart who happened to point this out to me during a recent conversation. 'x' also comes in handy when we collaborate on joint postings and when he needs me to tweak the html code on his blog.

      But hey - every man to his delusions I say. Of course some have more than others.

      Geesh. Go for walk. Smell the roses. Watch re-runs of Obama's State of the Union address. Or pray. To Jesus.


    3. Sorry, I didn't connect your comment to any other comment since it was stand alone. Mine wasn't meant to be as serious as you took it. My fault.



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