Picts, Celts, Scots, Highlands, Lowlands, Clans

Often, when I try to learn of Scotland from books, I end up being less than totally educated because the authors often use certain words and terms in the assumption their readers know what such simple words mean.

In the movie "As Good as it Gets," Jack Nicolson's character is told that one of his greatest assets is his willingness to be humiliated. In that same spirit, I will tell you that I don't mind if my questions seem stupid to you, as long as I get the answers.

I will start with words I hear and read a lot but never feel I QUITE understand:

Pict

Celt

Scot

Gaelic

Celtic

Scots (language)

Caledonia

Highlands

Lowlands

Scots-Irish

Ulster Scots

Ulster Plantation

I'll start by telling you what I THINK I know about the words, and maybe then you can correct me and make my understanding a bit more complete.

1. Pict, Celt, Scot. I think these are people. I think "Scot" now means "someone (native) who lives in Scotland." But I think Scot was just one of several peoples earlier on. I think "Pict" is a very early group of people who lived in what is now Scotland, or part of it, and some Scots may have descended from them. Maybe a LOT of Scots descended from them. I'm not sure about that. I think the Picts came from (northern?) Europe, probably across an ancient land bridge. I don't really know what happened to them. When I form a mental picture of Picts in my mind, I see an early primitive culture. Maybe more advanced than "cavemen" but pretty primitive. If they were really advanced, then please tell me. Celt: I think the Celts were a larger group of people who lived not only in Scotland, but throughout their "empire" or "Lands of the Celts" such as Cornwall and Ireland. Tell me where else. I know of a Celtic Cross. Not sure if there was a Celtic Doublecross or not. I don't know if they were a conquering "tribe" of people or what. Were they powerful? Did they take what they wanted in their segment of history? They left a lot behind them, from what I read of them. Scot: once and for all I want to know what the Scots were early on and what that term means today. I think they were one of the early kingdoms. Are they the only ones that live in Scotland today? The others died out or absorbed? What?

2. Gaelic, Celtic, Scots. These are languages. Or they may be ONE language, I don't know. I think I know that Gaelic and Celtic are the same thing, or, at least, the language the Celts spoke became known as Gaelic. And I think Gaelic is also another word for "Irish" - the "native language" of the Irish. But I have heard the name "Scots" used as a separate language, and I have heard of "Scots-Gaelic" which starts to confuse me. What languages, once and for all, are spoken in Scotland?

3. Caledonia. I think this is just what the Romans called what is now Scotland, but I have never been absolutely sure. Maybe a smaller or larger area. Maybe just the highlands. Maybe the word is really "Caladonian" as in adjective; maybe no such thing as "Caledonia." Help.

4. Highlands and Lowlands. This is not as straightforward as you think, at least not to an American. At first, I thought of those areas as mountainous or flatlands. Don't laugh. One book I read defines Highlands as "That land not included in the Lowlands." Well, Jesus H. Christ. Really? So you see what I am up against, Jacobite-wise and Clans-wise and other-wise. Then, I began to think of them as simply upper and lower geographical areas: the lowlands to the south, closest to England, and the highlands farther north. Get it? - high and low on the map. I suppose this is still my present mental image. No one seems to want to define the terms for Americans. It seems to be inside knowledge that only the British are allowed to understand. Well, by God, I know it must have something to do with Clans, and I know it must have something to do with culture and way of life, and I know it must have something to do with ancestry, and I know it must have something to do with loyalties - at least loyalty to Stuarts or not.

5. Clans. I think of these as sort of "tribes" or extended families. They might squabble amongst other family memebers, but they would be united against outsiders. I don't know if there were Clans only in the Highlands, or if in the Lowlands as well. I don't even know if you are supposed to capitalize the word. I think I know they can be determined partly by the traditional clothes they wear. Like, if they wear Armani-designed clothes, they are Lowlanders. Kidding. I mean the different clans' (not capitalized looks ok) "tartans." While they might look the same to an American eye, I have read that the patterns are different (and maybe colors) enough where knowledgeable people can tell what clan they are from just by looking at the pattern of the tartan. Well, that is FAR beyond the scope of what I need to learn, but I would at least want to know if it is true that different clans wear different patterns of fabric.

6. Ulster Scots. I only think of the word "Ulster" when I think of Ireland, not Scotland. So maybe this is a group of people who live in Scotland who came from Ireland? A part of Ireland? Actually I am not 100% sure what Ulster in Ireland means, either. Northern Ireland? Something to do with religion, right? Are those the descendants of William of Orange followers I read about earlier? No? Ok.

7. Ulster Plantation. Vaguely, I think this is a place in America where a lot of Slave-Scots emigrated. Then they went West. I don't know. Just talking. Maybe Ulster Plantation is code for Boston. Probably not.

That's enough for now. Even I have my limits on asking stupid questions.

Update: Ok, Wikipedia says Ulster Plantation was a plantation in Ulster. Grrrr.

But that sounds reasonable. And it says Ulster is an Irish province. I thought they called them counties. So I am going in circles. I still think Ulster is all of Northern Ireland. It was once a big plantation?

Well, it turns out that PICT is a type of early Macintosh picture file format. So I was wrong about that too.

Scotland, Part I

This one web page I read says that the recorded history of Scotland began in the 1st century AD when the Romans invaded Britain. I don't know. Surely some few could write earlier than that, but why argue if you can't prove it?

Well, the Romans added the south to their far-flung dominions and called it the provence of Britannia, though they may have spelled it "province" who knows, but they were unable to subdue the fierce tribes of the north. So the Roman head guy built a wall (much like George Bush would do later) all the way across the island to protect the civilized south from the fierce golf-playing tribes of the north.

The emperor's name was Hadrian. I forget what he called his wall.

The Romans called the land north of the wall Caledonia. He was going to call it Gaul II but that didn't quite have the proper ring to it. He called the people who lived up there Picts. You probably don't know why, and I could tell you if I wanted, but there is no use leaking all the secrets of Scotland all in one post.

In my little web article I am getting this from, it says, "parts of Hadrian's wall still stand on the Scottish border." Is it just me, or do you also think the author could have simply put a period after the word "stand?" Yeah. The Scottish Border. Ok.

Unfortunately, the author of the biography of Scotland tends to ramble on too much, and the result is total confusion. For example, he talks about Celts called Scots coming from Ireland in the 5th century. Let's be frank: is that REALLY important?

Then he babbles on about a Kenneth MacAlpine and absorbing the Picts and the River Clyde and right on up to William the Conqueror. Trust me, you wouldn't be reading this if I had put all that in.

In 1290, Margaret died, leaving 13 claiments to the Scottish throne. Jesus, but it was a mess. Later, one of Margaret's descendents became PM over all of the United Kingdom. Amen. (It doesn't actually say that, I'm only making the obvious inferrence.)

One of these 13 people who wanted to succeed Margaret was Eddie Plantagenet from down south of the wall. Eventually he prevailed. There was a sidebar about one William Wallace that wasn't all that clear. It may have been Mel Gibson.

The spirit of the Scots remained unbroken (though their collective arsi remained fully kicked for some time afterward.)

Not much really happened between 1300 and 2010, so I will pick the narrative up again next time starting with that latter date.

---------

Who among you are knowledgeable enough about these parts to say with resolute certainty whether or not the photographer who took the above picture is standing on Scottish soil? I thought not.