Thursday, May 1, 2008

Canadian Bacon—Fact or Fiction?


A Canucklehead recent post has got me thinking.

That in itself is a pretty dangerous concept, but, even worse, he has me thinking about food instead of hockey and/or beer. Which is all he usually talks about. Hate hockey. Used to love beer. Love other things now. Hockey and beer are pretty much what Canada seems to run on: hockey is the motivator, beer is the fuel.

But there is also a legend that they have a special secret kind of bacon.

I asked Canucklehead about this, but he won't answer. He just keeps babbling on about something he calls Greek Easter. So I thought I'd throw the question out to the all-knowing Brits. Unless Grumpus stumbles by and edifies me, which isn't likely. She knows everything. At least I'm pretty sure she does. Or maybe my favorite book lady. What's her name. The pretty one in Northern Ireland that claims she has mastered roundabouts. Not much chance of her showing up either, eh? (Yes, Catherine, I am aware that you can live in N. Ireland and still be a Brit. Don't throw the book at me.) A. would probably know. Or would lie to me authoritatively. Either way.

Claire wouldn't have a clue, but would be happy to talk about llamas or blow-up dolls. And I'd be happy to listen, too. You bet. Marmelade? She's either swearing at me right now because of my subject matter, or is simply screaming with her hands over her ears. Pork, you know. Sorry, my lovely orange one. You know I would never eat the stuff—I only want to know what it is. Ok? Marmelade?

Anyway. Every time I order breakfast in Canada, they bring me the same stuff as I get down here to the south. Same stuff exactly. When I ask them if it is really Canadian Bacon, they look at me like I'm stupid. "Sure it's Canadian Bacon, idiot. You're in Canada. Get it?" But I think they lie. (I don't actually eat it when they bring it, Marmelade. Nor the eggs. I only eat the grits and drink a little orange juice. I only order the bacon to see what it looks like. And the eggs just seem to come with it automatically. Go figure.)

So, is Canadian Bacon real? Or is it just a legend? Is it really just ham? Has anybody ever truly SEEN Canadian Bacon? If so, does it come in rashers or just plain American slices? Is this a real set of words I can add to my list? Or simply a myth? Is anybody listening to me?

Happily, I think M permits beer. At least I hope she does. Probably not hockey, though.
[Black bar over drunkard's eyes indicates this picture was
stolen from somebody else's blog, and identity of lush is being kept secret.]

47 comments:

  1. I don't know anything about Canadian bacon, but I can say that American bacon is terrible. I really miss British Bacon... British Bacon is scrummy in my tummy :)

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  2. I think you meant to say scummy in your tummy, no? :)

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  3. HEY I recognize that lush!
    :)

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  4. Shhhhhh! I think a LOT of people recognize that llama lush. Don't worry—she'll never read this far down. :)

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  5. British Bacon is the best bacon and much much better than any other type.

    Why is there a lush picture anyways?

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  6. @Claire. Beer. Beer and hockey. Beer. Get it? :)

    Send me some bacon. I'm convinced. Now I have to find some. (Not to eat of course, M. :) )

    Why, are you saying the lady is your friend or something?

    :)

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  7. Catherine is Welsh. I can do my speech on British nationality now, or later.

    I know nothing about Canadian bacon, but I'll enquire from my sister. She should be a good judge. We made our own bacon once. Wonderful taste, but very laborious. I bet you wouldn't be able do it nowadays - I seem to remember one of the ingredients is also an ingredient of an explosive of some sort.

    PS I think you mean ice hockey.

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  8. I am technically a Brit because I'm Welsh. Some people here in NI are Brits, some aren't. :) I'm definitely Welsh first though, no matter where I live.

    Anyway, onto the bacon thing. I've been to Canada and bacon there is somewhat different to here, though I can't really remember how. I'm aware of American bacon though I haven't eaten it (alas, my trip to the US got cancelled) and I know it tends to be the streaky stuff. In the British Isles, we use a lot of back and middle bacon, which has big fat pink round pieces and less fat.

    It's all down to the cut of the pig, basically.

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  9. @A.-Good to see you! Hope you are not overly bedraggled from moving. It is especially gratifying to see A. when she is at the end of a tiring day and not alert enough to actually read Max's post words concerning the lovely Catherine of Wales. Your fatigue gives me an unfair advantage. Where, may I ask, did I ever state that Catherine was anything but Welsh? Hmmmm? I merely mentioned where where she was living, where she WAS right now, what current place she graces with her presence. Is that not true? This is not like you at all A.

    The American is dull indeed, but not so dull as to forget where his friend's roots lie.

    Please take the next 3 or 4 minutes to compose a public apology to those visitors who are closely watching these blog comments. And DO also apologize to Catherine for implying she didn't leave a monumental impression on Max back when they first met and she strongly explained to him that the word was not "Welch".

    If you please. I'm sure it will be eloquent, love.

    Apology and groveling first. Bacon later.

    :)

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  10. Catherine, really? Cancelled? Oh, that sucks! No chance for rescheduling later? Of couse I had selfish reasons, too, but I was hoping the trip would come off. :(

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  11. Oh A. Come back. I was only joking. If you come back, I'll pretend I said Catherine was Irish. Ok?

    Never mind that. Call your angelic sis now. I need an answer.

    Pwetty pweese??

    :) :) :)

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  12. Hey, the mailman just came and brought my "Faraway Tree Collection" of Enid Blyton stories. One by one, Amazon is slowly finding the books. :)

    And now I shall be ordering Beatrix Potter and--what was that other one Claire? Sloan? Stahl? I have it somewhere.

    I will find your hidden words. :)

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  13. Not a fan of Canadian bacon. Its really popular on pizza here in the US. Nasty it is....

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  14. Hi Petra. But I was serious--what IS it? Is it that round stuff that looks like ham?--not really bacon at all? When you said it came on pizza, a little light went on in my head. It's that round stuff, or sometimes like little ham "shavings" isn't it?

    I'm glad you stopped by. It's been a while. :)

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  15. R. Max-

    YES, it is that round stuff that looks like ham. It's flavored similarly to ham, as well. It's frequently available in border cities, like my native Buffalo, and current home in Niagara Falls. Actually, I kinda like the stuff, but wouldn't go out of my way to get it.

    Now, calm down and get on with your life, fer gosh sakes...

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  16. Hey Mike! How's it goin'? Thanks for the info buddy! Have some really good news for ya too, man!--that stuff is available all over North America! Yeah. Pizza Huts in California and Texas and Florida and--wow!--you name it Mike! You need to drift on down away from the border and explore the interior sometime! Thanks for stoppin' by tonight!

    PS-words IS my life, buddy! And YOURS? Never mind, I know. But seriously, I hope you come back sometime. Tell me more about that border food and stuff.

    That's really YOU, right Danny? God I hope so. Otherwise I just pissed a stranger off. Talk to me Danny...

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  17. max, if you really like bacon, i'll have you know that it's spain national pride. it's called Jamon Serrano. It's a delicatesse. i tasted it once. it's delish.
    you make me sound like a bitter old lady. and you know very well i'm rather young.

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  18. I'm sorry Mike. If you're still there. I apologize for that idiot, ok?

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  19. mmmmmmmmm BACON mmmmmmmmmmm

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  20. Bacon, rashers, canadian bacon. It is ALL delish! In fact sausage, chorizo, ham and lots more bacon. oh yah, and bacon. Beer? yuck, yuck and more yuck. It tastes like skunk piss smells. Now Long Island Iced Tea. Oh yeah and bacon

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  21. I think I need to clear a few things up here. I am a Canadian that has lived in Britain for a few years and I like bacon. Today's xkcd has me thinking about bacon too.

    First of all, the term "canadian bacon" is only used by Americans. It is not a term that is used in Canada. In the states, it refers to back bacon, or more British style bacon. There is a distinction here between "bacon in Canada" and "Canadian bacon." Bacon in Canada is just the same as bacon in the states. We do have back bacon here, which is similar to British bacon and is what Americans call Canadian bacon. I hope this clears things up.

    mmmm...I'm hungry

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  22. i'm not kidding. just google it, if you don't believe me.

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  23. Is Serrano ham not unlike Parma? Which in turn is like Bayonne in France though I believe purists would be able to tell the difference.

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  24. First if all, I'm appalled that my blog EVER made anyone think - man, things have gone horribly wrong! I did actually eventually reply to your comments in the comments. I said I would do a post on it but it appears I may have to ask 'adrian' above to do it - even though he is a Habs fan. In short, what you call 'bacon', we call 'bacon'. what you call 'canadian bacon', we call 'what the fuck are you talking about'. The only people who use the term 'canadian bacon' are americans. We call it 'back bacon' and it is, well - i suppose maybe you know what it is - like a ham i guess. i suppose this is somewhat in line when you go to mexico, you don't have to order 'mexican food' - simply use 'food'. anyway, sorry i made you think and shit - have a beer, watch some hockey - the pain will subside eventually.

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  25. @Canucklehead.

    Yes. I have decided to stop thinking. At least about certain things. I feel the better for it.

    And, yes, I have also decided to eat meat again--especially bacon. And wash it down with a REALLY lot of beer. THAT decision has made me feel more natural again as well.

    Still no hockey. Even now.

    Other things are afoot. And they do not involve llamas. But they DO involve pretty women. Perhaps even Greek women--the story is still "up in the air". Perhaps the Canuck and his mesmerizing friend will find themselves involved.

    But first, another story is to be told. Don't go far, my Northern friend.

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  26. oh Beatrix Potter is/was another of my favourites. I even named my cat after one of her characters, not one of the cats I have now, but the one I had as a child.

    I have the whole collection of her books at my mums house. Would you like to give her a call again?

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  27. Caroline-Henry was a Beatrix Potter character? Really? Now I must REALLY read Peter Rabbit more carefully!
    :)

    Of course I would love to call Mum. We are getting to know each other quite well now, you know. :)

    How are you this morning?

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  28. At the risk of turning this blog into a chat post, I am doing very good this morning (as you'll see on my blog post of the day).

    Henry, is the cat I have now, not the one I had as a child... can't you read :). The cats name was 'Miss Tabitha Twitchet', but we just called ours Twitch, much easier to shout out when trying to call her home.

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  29. Caroline? CAN read, just don't. More fun this way. And chat chat chat all you want. I have taken my blog back as well as my bacon.

    So....you say your other cat besides Henry is named Miss Tabitha Twitchet? I mean, do you ever have to call her when the neighbors are listening to you?

    How odd.

    And that has something to do with this Beatrix Potter person?

    Chat me up girl. What the feck are you talkin' about?

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  30. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  31. Actually the other cat that I have now is called Cleo (sometimes she goes by Mistress Cleo), and as I said in my comment the cat named after Beatrix Potter's character was my childhood kitty, as you well know, and are just doing your best to wind me up, we called her Twitch when the neighbours were around.

    Twitch is now dead though, she had a good life, though. Well sort of. She was caught in a cat trap at the pigeon allottments, so lost half of her back left paw, and leg. Not nice at all. She survived it though, and did ok.

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  32. Caroline, yes. I well knew. Wind you up I DO try to do. Right you are TWICE. :)

    Pigeon allotments???

    I think I sense more BritishSpeak here.

    I am off to run the trails for a while and relieve my tensions--back in an hour. Then tell me about the strange pigeon rationing system you have in that faraway place. :)

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  33. I don't really know all that much about pigeons really, I have a bird phobia you know, so I try to avoid the feathered folks as much as possible.

    There's a group of people in the village I grew up in who raced pigeons, and therefore would keep them at the allotments (not sure if it is 1 t or 2). All I remember is they were noisy with all their cooing.

    Enjoy your run.

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  34. I don't really know all that much about pigeons really, I have a bird phobia you know, so I try to avoid the feathered folks as much as possible.

    There's a group of people in the village I grew up in who raced pigeons, and therefore would keep them at the allotments (not sure if it is 1 t or 2). All I remember is they were noisy with all their cooing.

    Enjoy your run.

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  35. Roald Dahl is the other one maximus.

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  36. Oh I love him too! Good one Claire!

    I used to like brambley hedge and the flower fairies a lot too - pretty pictures.

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  37. Oooh, oooh, Caroline, I have a full hardcover set of the original 'seasons' Brambly Hedge books (well, my mum has them) - I used to look at the illustrations for hours, so pretty and complex!

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  38. Weren't they just, i used to like the pictures of the tunnels. My favourite was the one with the party, it was one of the seasons, but I can't remember which one, spring perhaps.

    My mum still has my Brambley Hedge books, I only had the seasons, but I see there's more now.

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  39. Do you remember the books where you got to pick what happened next? I can't remember what they were.

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  40. The mystery ones? erm will find a link!

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  41. Where they the Usborne puzzle adventures?
    these?

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  42. The ones I knew, when my sons read them, were these from Bantam books, though they weren't very popular with my two for some reason.

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  43. I never know if you are being sarcastic or kind.

    Anyhow, I think Canadian bacon is, basically, round-shaped ham. My experience of pig in food form, be it Canadian or otherwise, is limited to what I see in diners, cuddled up next to the pancakes.

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  44. Grumpus? Really? Right here in my little hell of a blog?

    Sorry it took so long to respond to your comment. I saw it right away but was to stunned and needed some time to get my wits together. Wasn't successful in that regard, but here goes anyway:

    Thanks!

    (And don't think for a moment I believe Grumpus has ever eaten in a diner. But thanks again for pretending to be common folk so Max will feel comfortable around you. It shows class to do that, I say.)

    --------

    Damn I love that lady! I suspect she is extraterrestrial, though. Not half Irish. From Saturn, perhaps...

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