Just like video games

This past Friday on the TV news, all the liberal cable channels were aghast at what Prince Harry had (apparently) just said, giving an interview (being badgered) standing by his dusty helicopter in Afghanistan (or recently in Afghanistan.) Helicopters of modern vintage have a dazzling array of automatic functions and blinking-light star wars consoles and so (to me) it seemed only natural to compare the operation of a chopper in combat as akin to playing a video game. Of course, this was in uber-poor taste for the prince to do: comparing the killing of Taliban to a sort of video game. He meant no harm. He was only trying to explain the process to a bunch of dumb reporters. But all the press and cable TV stations were aghast, as I say - their liberal jaws slack with unutterable shock, their sensibilities gripped with a horror too intense, too awful to describe. Oh! How they will assail him in the days to come, thinks I, as I watch the charming camo-clothed chubby red-haired munchkin use his index fingers and thumbs to illustrate how one goes about strafing assorted Taliban positions. Nothing was mentioned about the Taliban also shooting up at the prince, since the American press consider them to be simply misunderstood freedom fighters.

I left it for the TV news folk to translate what he said for me. Although I watched the film clip that accompanied the story, I couldn't understand two words in a row what the exuberant Captain Wales was saying, so I was forced to accept the newscasters' version. Where are those helpful subtitles under the picture when you really need them? Is he from the North of England? My American ears simply couldn't attune to his vocal cadence. I used to be able to understand him. Perhaps Afghanistan has introduced some sort of desert impediment. You think? Well, hell, it might have been me, I could have been partly to blame, as Jimmy Buffet is fond of singing.

But, speaking of killing one's enemies with disrespect, I must admit that I immediately thought of the American drones over Pakistan or wherever. These are "flown" by pilots sitting in front of TV monitors, reacting to the visual input of the drone, miles away, and controlling it with their various remote control joysticks. So how the heck is that different than killing your enemies like they were pawns in a video game?

I ask you.

Solemnity of manner

Gravitas.

noun: dignity, seriousness, or solemnity of manner.

As in, "Dorianne Laux's poems bring a gravitas and solidity to the ordinary aspects of American life, [....]"

So now I know. And all this time I thought gravitas was a synonym for cojones, or chutzpah. As in, "Jerome finally mustered up the gravitas to stand up to the snarling dominatrix, even as she swung him by his gravitas in a wide circle like a dead cat."

Turns out it is from the Latin, and thus purely BritishSpeak and not even meant for Americans to hear, much less try to use.

Go figure.

Max are asking a question on their blog

One of the most noticeable differences between British English and American English, American readers soon discover, is the assigning of a plural verb to a singular subject. Here's an example I saw today on a Danish website:

"The Center for Fundamental Living Technology at SDU (University of Southern Denmark) have updated their web page!"

An American writer (or speaker) would say "has" and "its." We are taught early on that subject and verb numbers must agree, and there is only one "Center" in the subject of the above sentence. On the other hand, we would say, "Dick and Jane" HAVE changed THEIR website.

Without looking for an actual example, I am assuming you would say, "Dick HAS changed HIS website" or "Max IS asking a question on HIS blog." Yet, when dealing with the name of a company or organization, British usage always seems to call for a plural verb. I suppose you assume many people make up that company or organization, but that would be, it seems to me, irrelevant to the rules of grammar, even if you assumed correctly - since you are not talking about the 93 people who work for the organization; you are talking about one organization.

I have searched the rules for this without success - have only been able to find the American rules - so I will put it to the very knowledgeable readers of this blog. Harken back to your Primary School days and tell me if there is some sort of logic that I am missing in the British way of mixing of noun/verb numbers? I want to learn to really write right right now.

Separated by a Common Language. Truly.

Of all the accents and speech patterns from Great Britain, by far the most difficult for the American ear to pick up is surely Scots.

English and Scots are "sister languages" they say (or so I read) in that they started out more or less together but went their separate ways over the years. That means that some words are exactly the same; some words are a little different; and some words are totally and completely alien-sounding.

An American listening to Scots, or someone speaking English with a Scots accent, is never quite up to speed. It SOUNDS like the person is speaking English, but... no. Not the kind of English (most) Americans can pick up without a lot of repetition. In fact, I think you have to live in the region for a while to start picking it up.

To make matters worse, there are variations in words and speech patterns all over Scotland. Edinburgh is different than Glasgow and Southwest is definitely different from Shetland or Orkney. Here is a short example from Caithness. This you will hear in Dounreay and John o' Groats. Try to pick it up.

Here's Edinburgh. I got this pretty easily, although it took me a while to pick up the father's trade of "joiner." At least I think that's what's being said.

Here's Glasgow (1) and Glasgow (2). I couldn't pick this up at all. I felt I was basically listening to English... and yet...

Speaking Scots is NOT the same as speaking English with a Scots accent, though.

What is Scots?

Sliders and bashers for YOU!

Here are the official answers to the Scots words of the last post. Just visit Adullamite's fine fair and balanced unbiased blog for those and many more. I really enjoyed them. You will too.

I also picked up a few from his blog that he didn't give the answers to. Maybe you can help.

1. Hibernatin' supporter

2. Good Snog (like there is such a thing as a bad snog. Ok, I knew this one)

3. Tunnock's snowball

4. Wheelie buns

5. Old Firm fan

6. Gormless

Finally, a free one from me to you: Puggled is knackered.

As in, "I am plum sick and knackered of the British always telling the same hilarious (to them) joke about the American tourist lady who got off the bus and proclaimed loudly about how sore her fanny was from the long ride." Woudja just stoppit with that one?

Scotswords Contest

As a public service I am going to attempt to translate the following list of Scottish words, phrases, and exclamations into American. Do you speak Scotslang well enough to tell what they mean in that brand of English? (Or whatever it is.) I'm pretty sure you can't, so that's why I am showing the official American translation under each word.

At the bottom, you must try to fill in the correct answers a Scot would give for these same words. A link to the site where you can find the answers, tomorrow. (If I link to it right now, you will just go look it up, and I want you to guess first.) There are more than these, but I will wait and see if I get any comments before I run the rest of them.

1. Bag off

A contest between two supermarket employees.

2. Basher

One who bashes.

3. Bogging

What poor spelling writers are doing online.

4. Bucket

A basket. 2 points. A field goal.

5. Choob

What Bill Cosby's childhood friend Fat Albert does with his food.

6. Clarty

What university students in the South eventually come to.

7. Bam

A loud noise.

8. Dreep

The last sound a bam makes when you punch 'im in the throat.

9. Dreich

What stable hands scrape off their shoes.

10. Eejit

Where hillbillys think Pharohs used to rule.

11. Filly

What you say to the bartender when you bring him your empty glass.

12. Slider

A kind of baseball pitch.

13. The back o' ten

A picture of the U.S. Treasury building.

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Please enter your guesses for the Scots translation below:

1. "Bag off" really means: _________

2. "Basher" really means: _________

3. "Bogging" really means: _________

4. "Bucket" really means: _________

5. "Choob" really means: _________

6. "Clarty" really means: _________

7. "Bam" really means: _________

8. "Dreep" really means: _________

9. "Dreich" really means: _________

10. "Eejit" really means: _________

11. "Filly" really means: _________

12. "Slider" really means: _________

13. "The back o' ten" really means: _________

Top 10 favorite british words for July

10. Dodgy

9. Shirty

8. Chuffed

7. Peckish

6. Stroppy

5. Dogsbody

4. Shambolic

3. Wonky

2. Bollocks (I have always liked this word ever since the first day I started this blog. For some reason. I just like saying it.)

1. Hard cheese

"Peckish seagulls are causing carnage by ripping open rubbish sacks before binmen can collect them." (And take them to the tip? One assumes.) Oh, to be a binman. I could write an ode to a binman. I once owned a book called Alleyman. Very different than Alley Oop, I'll tell you.

And the carnage of the gulls (another movie title candidate if ever there was one) makes me shirty, though the thought of them getting enough to eat chuffs me to no end.

Americans usually use the word obstreperous rather than saying stroppy. At least the ones wearing the dodgy bow ties do. In fact, I think stroppy is just a bastardization of obstreperous. The British are good bastardizers. With words, I mean.

Dogsbody. Ain't it the truth. Me through and through. Me'n Adullamite. Dogsbody comes from sailors of old who were fed Pease porridge. Pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold... etc. Well that's dried peas boiled in a bag. Maybe a gull-carnaged bag, for all I know. You have to understand Cockney rhyming slang to get the connection. I ain't and I don't. Are there still Cockneys in existence? Truly?

Aussies would call a stunned mullet shambolic, I suppose. The dictionary used Amy Winehouse's recent concert attempt as an example of it. Like if you finally see the flashing red lights behind you and the cops try to make you take a test on the side of the road and you just turn into Leon Spinks and go "Friggy Diggy" I guess that would be borderline shambolic.

"Bit of hard cheese, those pesky aneurisms," he said as his friend slumped.

Wonky? This whole post is borderline wonky.

Thank you Merriam-Webster dot com.

Have you been paying attention?

This is a good exercise for either Brits or Americans. Can you give the American equivalents for these British words? Many have been discussed on this blog. A few are new.

Aubergine

Banger

Biscuit

Butty

Candy Floss

Chips

Cling Film

Cornflour

Courgette

Crisps

Ice Lolly

Rashers

Randolf? Don't use your nickname.

RANDY is not a name in the UK. I'm pretty sure about that. It is a state of mind.

Are you traveling to Britain soon? Is your name Randy? Change it. Better yet, don't even go.

Willy is a name.

But they will giggle when you introduce yourself.

Not going to tell you why, Willy. Heh Heh Heh.

On the other hand, nobody in the entire USA is named Nigel.

Or Sian.

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Some hints to Brits traveling in the U.S. as well:

Ladies, if you are staying in a hotel and you want to make sure you don't oversleep, don't ask the man at the desk to come and knock you up at 6 am.

Just don't.

But it's ok to ask your misbehaving child if she is looking for a swat on the fanny.

Also, it has been reported that beauty contestants frequently spray their fanny with glue in order to keep the swim suit in place as they parade in front of the judges. Honest.

"Bugger" is not even a word in the U.S. In fact, bugger isn't even dried snot. That's a boooger.

Americans say "freakin'" all the time. Freakin' this, freakin' that. We don't know it makes you uneasy. Really. We don't have a clue that it sounds too much like friggin'. Or why that would bother you anyway. Just smile when you hear it.

To an American, shag doesn't mean what it means to you. If you tell your hotel deskman that you are looking to shag something tonight, wink wink, he will probably hand you a baseball glove.

--------

Back to Americans visiting Britain.

In England, a rubber is an eraser. Just keep that in mind.

If you have an urge to flash the "V for victory" sign with your fingers, be sure your palm is pointed outward. Just because I said so.

If you don't want no agro, that is.

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Your mission, should you choose to accept it... Just give me plain, common, ordinary words which mean something entirely different to an American than that same exact word (or phrase) means to a person living in the UK.

Just do it. Please.

Bugger this for a game of soldiers, take two

Britsh words and phrases of frustration, resignation, condemnation and disappointment. Some are obvious to an American, some not. There may even be another 2 or 3 that are not on the list...can you come up with any more. This time, let's add some American expressions as well. None on the list yet.

Can't be arsed
Browned off
Cheesed off
Pig's ear
Make a total bollocks of
Pull your finger out
Ropey
Sweet F.A.
Cock up
Jack in

More word differences and more book excerpts

First I want to thank a new commentator, The Plastic Mancunian (of Manchester) for leaving the following interesting words and observations on my "New Words" post today:

There are many British slang terms and most of them are regional. For example there are words used in Liverpool that a cockney wouldn't understand (and vice versa).

For example - some gems from Liverpool (the land of the Scousers):

"Don't get a cob on" - don't lose your temper.

"Where's me keks?" - Where are my trousers?

"Bizzies" - Police

There is a tangible rivalry between Manchester and Liverpool (the cities are roughly 40 miles apart). Locals here call Liverpudlians "Mickey Mousers" (i.e. "Scousers"). Other gems from Manchester:

"Angin" - Ugly

"Nowt" - nothing

"Bobbins" - Rubbish

Of course there are millions more ...

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Also thanks to CharmaineZoe (of Warwickshire) for leaving an amusing anecdote about our confusing language(s), on the same post. I would like to share it with you here:

"When my husbands firm was taken over by an American company based in Houston they had to order any equipment they needed through Houston. He put in a requisition for a router (connects a computer to a network - pronounced rooter). Imagine their surprise when a large parcel turned up and on opening it they discovered a router (large drill that puts ridges in wood - pronounced router)this was for a computer software company mark you. It was then they realised that, in those immortal words 'Houston, we got us a problem!' Lets just say its been an interesting learning experience over the last couple of years, on both sides :-)"

--------

Ok, CharmaineZoe. Now I have to tell you that, in many parts of the U.S., (including, apparently, Houston) that computer thingy is indeed pronounced with an "ow" sound instead of "oo" as you do. (So it is really even worse than you thought!). And most Americans will say "paper rowt" rather than "paper root". But not all. Heh. So that makes it even more confusing. I am so happy that you stopped by and left that little story. You sound like someone we all would like to get to know better. (And I hope we do. :)

--------

Well, it looks like this post is already long enough, so I won't post any book excerpt today. Maybe next time.

Doing my homework

Last night while England slept I did my usual word gleaning and organizing. Here is a word I came across which I had never heard of before. It wasn't in my American dictionary at all, not even under "Brit.": Chunder. And here is what it means, I later found. Revolting. Why do you even have words like that?

And here is a word that I have heard all my life, but have never learned what it means. Now it has been so long, I am ashamed to ask. Maybe one of you will define it for me in a comment so I won't have to ask out loud. It looks like it should mean "four" or maybe "five". Probably not. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with slang for a certain kind of your money. Don't have a clue, though. John Lennon seemed to use it a lot. The word is quid. In the U.S., we only have bucks, fins, sawbucks, double sawbucks, half a C, and C notes. We used to have grands, but no more. Not publicly held, at least.

Here are two words you may be surprised to learn are never used in America. People know what they mean, but they never use them. Almost never, at least. If you ever go to America and really want to be recognized as being British, but you don't want to say the word bloody, then say one of these two words. it will work. They will know right away where you are from: Advert or queue. For the reccord, in the USA these things are ads and lines. Ask Caroline.

I also read some Beatrix Potter last night. A certified wacko, she is. Charming though. Here is a passage I especially liked:

Old Mrs. Rabbit was a widow; she earned her living by knitting rabbit-wool mittens and muffatees (I once bought a pair at a bazaar). She also sold herbs, and rosemary tea, and rabbit-tobacco (which is what we call lavender).

Time for the Aussie word list definitions

A few days ago, we ran a list of words that Max had obtained from various helpful Australian bloggers. Several of these words, I have later discovered from you, are common British usage as well. None are common usage in America, as far as I have ever heard.

Those of you who submitted comments to that post had the ones you did all correct. But since I have never run a complete list of the "answers" for each line item, I will do so now. (The "answers" or "definitions" are given in "American.")

gag, gagging - This means eager, as in "wanting to do something very much".
gob - mouth, piehole
powerpoint-an electrical wall recepticle
brick shithouse-A large, muscular well-built man. (Almost always means the opposite in America: "An exceedingly curvacious woman".

cactus - not working. "My microwave is cactus". I think this is sort of like Claire's usage of the word "pants", but not quite.
heaps - a lot
Tall Poppy Syndrome - Refers to the Australian trait of liking to take pompous people down "a peg or two".
pot-a 285ml glass of beer. Used in Victoria. Other names elsewhere.
wag, wagging - to truant. (Americans would call it "skipping school".
A over T: Arse over Tits; Arse over Tea Kettle (To stumble and fall awkwardly.
Cark it - to die
Cossie or cozzie - short for "costume"; most commonly a swimming costume (swim suit or bathing suit in America)
Dag-a piece of shit that hangs off a sheep's bum. Said of a bloke. Can be good natured or disparaging.
Dunny-a toilet.
“a bit more choke and you would have started” - Said as a mild admonishment to someone who has just loudly broken wind in public.

Yonks-a long period of time.
Ute - "utility" (a pickup truck). In America, a Ute is an Indian, a certain Indian trible State of Utah named after them.
Stunned mullet-used to describe a person who's mouth is agape or who is otherwise unresponsive to outside stimuli.
Spit the dummy-to get very upset about something.
spunk - Semen.
Franger-a condom.
Goog-an egg. Rhymes with "good."
Holy snapping duckshit - simply an exclamation of surprise
jack-to be sick and tired of something. (I think this is akin to my own favorite "bugger this for a game of soldiers" or "can't arse this."

SFA (Sweet Fanny Adams)--but what does it mean?? (It means to be doing nothing; absolutely nothing.)
Rice Bubbles - What an American would call Rice Krispies; a dry breakfast cereal.
pull the pin-to stop an activity; to withdraw support.
pash - short for passionate. (One Aussie told Max tha many used this to describe what Americans call "French Kissing.")
pissing down - Raining hard
poof (or poofter) - male homosexual
nappy - diaper
sheila - opposite of bloke (since American's don't use "blokes", a "sheila" is Australian for "female".
Bogan-low class; what Americans would call "Trailer Trash."
cunning stunts -The Aussies are exceedingly fond of spoonerisms. This particular example is too vulgar to define here. You can figure it out if you now what a spoonerism is.

And that's it! For this list anyway. Thanks for playing!

TO ALL OF YOU ACROSS THE POND: HAPPY ST. GEORGE'S DAY!

The word list grows. Need definition Help

Max is continually looking for contributions of British slang or phrases. Below is a sampling of the incredible support this blog has received during the past few weeks. Unbelievable! Of course, this list hardly begins to scratch the surface. You would really be doing us a favor if you would make a comment to this post and list your interesting words (and meanings, too--most are not obvious to Max, I'm afraid.) The book on the subject that some of us are putting together concentrates on usage in the UK itself, but Max really welcomes contributions from any country and anyone. THANKS A LOT!

The following words (not all are "slang") concentrate primarily on the Australian branch of the English language. How many of these can YOU define? (Thanks to Justine and Brett for all their help in collecting these words and so many more!) Caution!--definitions are not always obvious. Answers will appear later. NOTE; I HAVE STARTED TO PUT IN SOME DEFINITIONS NOW, AND THE ANWERS WILL CONTINUE TO BE POSTED OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS.


gag, gagging
gob
powerpoint
brick shithouse
cactus
heaps
Tall Poppy Syndrome
pot
wag, wagging
A over T
Cark it
Cossie or cozzie
Dag
Dunny
“a bit more choke and you would have started”
Yonks
Ute
Stunned mullet
Spit the dummy
spunk
Franger
Goog
Holy snapping duckshit
jack
SFA (Sweet Fanny Adams)--but what does it mean??
Rice Bubbles
pull the pin
pash
pissing down
poof (or poofter)
nappy
sheila
Bogan
cunning stunts

Cotton Candy

This blog is so fun to write everyday. I have to make a conscious effort not to make multiple posts, and to not give too much information about a subject I really like. Or, as Claire (a lady whose opinion I really respect about blogs) once so delicately put it: "Stop posting so much, you buffoon!"

When it stops being fun, I'll stop writing it. One of the reasons it is fun (and easy) to write is that I can choose from such a variety of subjects. Practically any subject at all can be somehow tied in with language. Or, as we are mostly concerned with on this blog, language differences.

I will admit right up front that I am aware that people outside the friendly environs of the USA do not call this stuff Cotton Candy. I read that somewhere a few days ago. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying enough attention to the newspaper article (or wherever I read about it) to remember what it is you folks DO call this stuff. Another thing I really like about this blog (and my readers) is that I am pretty sure someone will provide me with this crucial information sometime before the day is over, and I will then be able to put another word on my ever-growing list of things the British call by the wrong name. (Picture a little smiley face here.)

I don't eat cotton candy anymore. Haven't since I was a teenager. Will probably never taste it ever again. Sad for my nostalgic brain, good for my teeth. Where did I first experience this substance?--this colored sugar, somehow "fluffified" sticky stuff? Can't remember. Probably at a county fair. Probably bought for me by my older sister or brother who were compelled by my parents to drag me with them. Probably my sister--my brother would have run off with his friends as soon as he got out of sight of Mom.

If I don't simply stop here, this will turn into another one of those rambling posts about carnival food in general, and will probably even digress even further into the "Candy Apple Pulls out Max's Front Tooth" story. None of us want that.

Where do YOU remember eating cotton candy?--and, also important to me for my book--what do wonderful non-Americans out there call that stuff again?

(No I haven't forgotten my "contest" that started out as a lark and has gotten terribly out of hand. I'll just let it ride another day and see if any other non-American comments. We have certainly learned one fact for sure: Brits don't give a damn about American landmarks or it's brief history. Well, why should they, I guess. Picture rather sad but still smiley face here.)

The Story with the rude words

I was getting ready for a night out on the tiles, adjusting my boobs in the mirror whilst wondering if I looked to much like a slapper. Surely there is no such thing as too much cleavage?
There was a noise outside so I looked out the window and saw an old man having a wank in the bushes, dirty bugger!
I must look like a right slag if I am having that affect on the elderly, should I get changed? No way!

Once I arrived at the pub there was not much talent about, just that weird looking fella who always looks like a ponce in that ruddy awful pink shirt and gold medallion. I hope no one ever finds out about me snogging him last Christmas, I had consumed more than one sherbet that night.

As the night wore on I was whingeing to my mates that the only half decent looking bloke in the place was that wanker from last week who made a total pratt of himself dancing with his todger between his legs and singing to ABBA and the one that was currently being a total wally by drinking his own sick for a tenner.

So what is a girl to do?

This is a totally true story, I would never take the piss out of you or anyone else by posting a pack of lies.

Can you help?

I would appreciate any definitions and background info anyone could give on these.

If any of these are too vulgar, I apologize in advance.

wank, wanker

taking the piss out of you (from input so far, I'm going to say this more or less translates into "American" as: having a bit of sport with someone at that person's expense; taking someone down a peg or two; taking the wind out of someone's sails. Along those lines.) Americans also refer to an overly exuberant person as "being full of piss and vinegar". Don't know about the vinegar part, but the other may be related to this.

slapper (So, we'll say this would loosely translate into the "American" as--I don't know--slut seems too harsh for this word. Tease? Chippie? Well, I'll just leave it at "woman of questional virtue" for now.)

slag
snogging

pratt (So we're agreed that "pratt" is the description of a clumsy fall?--Ass over elbows as the Americans would put it? Could the word also refer to a person who seemed to be abnormally clumsy in general?--what Americans would probably call a "klutz"? Which itself, I guess, is probably Yiddish.) In "Americanese" by the way, "pratt" would only be used to describe an intentional fall by a rather acrobatic person for comedic effect. I've neve heard it used otherwise in America.

ponce
wally
whingeing (I think)

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Also, another British euphemism captured my imagination the other night as I was preparing an earlier post for this blog: to "Bang one out." as in "Steve watched Bay Watch on TV and then banged one out before his mum came home."

And it struck me that this might not be the ONLY British euphemism for this sort of activity. Are there any other sly, double-entendre words or phrases which might also capture the spirit of what Steve was doing? Mind you, I still haven't received any definitions on this one from anyone yet, so I assume Steve was doing something with a hammer that he felt would annoy his mother. Am I close?

Thank You!

It has been a fine, fun, interesting journey.

I expected it to take 3 months to collect those special words for my book, but it hasn't taken that long.

As I start today to concentrate on writing, behind the scenes, instead of actively blogging, I want to thank all of you who have contributed so much to this project over the past weeks. You have all been wonderful!

I would like to take some time to run some of my early posts, which appeared before I got to know any of you. It seems strange, because many of you have become like old friends since then! I will also be running some "profile" posts from time to time, of some of the interesting people I have been so lucky to meet over the past couple of months. I hope you will still drop by from time to time.

From each of these posts I have dutifully extracted the words and phrases that seemed "foreign" to me as an American. To these I have added the lists of words that you gave me on purpose.

Now all that remains is to put all this into book form, to describe the fun I've had, and to present, as best I can, the wonderful English words used around the world that Americans are so oblivious of.

That, I suppose is MY problem, now.