Blimey! Bloody Hell! Shag! Yeah, I know as much British slang as Austin Powers taught me over the years. It seems that the Beckhams are adding another job to their long list of To Do’s since coming to America. Tom Cruise has reportedly become fascinated by Victoria’s array of British slang and is quite keen on learning.
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Well. Isn't that just precious. Tom Cruise. Katy. TomKat. Ever so keen on the way Posh Beckham speaks.
Well, tough titties, 'cause Max STILL wants to learn. Despite now having to carry that mental image around from now on. It is to barf, que no?
Really--isn't that information just the shits? Here I am, honorably and sincerely searching for the holy grail of the golden lingo of my forefathers, and along comes this rich Hollywood dork who thinks it's....cute. CUTE! FeckinIdiot. Thinks he's hot shit because he knows what "shag" means. Christ. Claire taught me that one the very first day. More or less. It's a goddam bird.
By the way, thank you to imnotobsessed.com for the pic. You don't know I took it, but thanks. Now tell us where YOU stole it from.
But the comments to the above post is where I learned several new words. There's something like 34 comments to that silly post about Tom Cruise, and I am currently busy kiping (that's Spanglish for "making off with") as many of the words as I deem cool enough to grace our book. That's because I want REAL words, from REAL British mouths, not this Austin Powers crap. And, slowly I am building a stockpile of words for you to translate for me.
I did read one thing that sort of got me knickers bunched, though. One haughty Brit--who really could use a good ass-kicking, by the way--commented: "[Americans] should understand that British slang spoken with an American accent makes you sound like an utter wanker."
Isn't that absurd? No American I can think of speaks with an accent. It's YOU blokes and blokettes that talk funny.
If you want to go actually read the comments for yourself while simultaneously basking in the glow that is Tom Cruise and Victoria Beckham, here it is. Knock yourself out. I've already stolen all the good words, though.
Oh, dear. Not ready for this on a Tuesday morning. Both my favourite barf-inducers in one pic...
ReplyDeletedon't be jealous on tomkat, they have second hand teachers. i mean, i bet posh is not exactly talking in Shakespeare quotes there.
ReplyDeleteon the other hand, becks might come up with something like "you look like a camden ponce, mate", while enjoying with tom a lager and maybe some home posh cooked fish'n'chips. haha, the thought of it ... yeah
Excuse me very much, Max... but I DO speak with an accent. A different one every day, if possible. Not all of them are American, either.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping to go to Ireland later in the year and will probably be speaking with their accent within 30 minutes of landing in Dublin.
What???
ReplyDeleteMy arse hurts. What???
I'm sorry, I can't understand you this morning. Are you sure you're really Aerten? That X-rated catctus lady?
What???
PS--An Irish accent. How cool is that?
ReplyDelete:)
How nice to see you back my dear Stine!
ReplyDeleteAnd just in time for another of my tirades. Honestly, I have been rather good lately. You just caught me at a bad time again.
Hope your flowers survive the snow! :)
Marmelade, didn't I answer you last night about 3 in the morning? I don't see my reply. Ah, well. Sorry. Your comment is unintelligible to Max anyway. You've drifted off into the land of BritSpeak again, I'm afraid. (Do they allow 16-year-olds to drink in Spain?) Just askin'...
ReplyDelete:)
I knew it. This is nothing more than an evil conspiracy. Tom Cruise is obviously planning to brainwash the British public with more Scientlogy mumbo jumbo.
ReplyDeleteOnce Beckham starts rambling on about Xenu and Thetans before kickoff, we're pretty much fucked. :)
Or Scientology too, for that matter.
ReplyDeleteYeah. I forgot about Scientology. One more reason. And while I'm still not very knowledgeable about that roundball kind of football, I have a suspicion you're fucked with Beckham living in LA-LA land now either way...
ReplyDelete:)
Maybe you'll get a replacemennnnnt.........
ReplyDeleteThere's plenty like me to be fouuuuuund--
Mongrels....who ain't got a penny...
Sniffing for tidbits like you
on the
grooouuuund......
So goodbye yellow brick rooooooad
Where the dogs of society howl---
You can't plant me in your penthouse
I'm going back to my plough wwwwwwww--
Back to the howling old owl in the woods
Hunting the horny back toad
Oh I've finally decided my future lies
Beyond the yellow brick road
YaYaYaaaaaaYaYaYaYa Oh WooooooooYayaya..
Max is bored. Somebody shoot him, please.
you are being mystical today...
ReplyDelete@Marmelade... I wouldn't call it mystical. I'd call it downright loony. But it's just what we're to expect from our Max. Yes, indeed. Did you see his little note to me? Completely daft.
ReplyDeleteFear not. Max is not dead; he only sleeps. And drools. And twitching half asleep, photoshops. Dried roses by any other name would stink as bad. Apologies to Mr. Longfellow. And to Billy Shakes.
ReplyDeleteYes, looking like a camden ponce, Max caught those stinging little gibes from the orange-tressed one--Whose tender years does not allow for the necessary thorough intimacy of the lyrics of the legendary Sir Elton. Oh! Now is the winter of our discontent made gloooooorious summer by this son of Max, Sr.
But dear, artistic Aerten. Just what the fuck is YOUR excuse?
Exactly what part (pray tell) of my "little note" did you find, ummm, daft, as you erstwhile (read wannabe) Irish would say? It all seemed pretty straightforward to Max. Indeed, Max has never been clearer. Care to point out the offending loonisms?
What treasures you both are.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ahhhhh. Turn your back for only a moment, and look what havoc that uncouth hound can wreak.
ReplyDeleteMy apologies to all, especially to the sunny Marmelade, and the awsome Aerten: that wasn't Max, my friends. 'Twas that evil Yummy, who, in his slobbering offensive way, purloined Max's avatar and ran onto the blog, flinging his usual insults left and right.
Can you ever forgive your Max for letting his guard down so shamefully.
@Dear Marmelade: thank you so much for those witty words. So well put. Have you been practicing your acceptance speech, by the way? Perhaps they didn't tell you one was required. I know you are up to the task, however.
@Dear, dear Aerten. How can I ever make up for those unearned slings and arrows of an unthinking and barely educated Scooby Doo devotee. Please them them pass.
Gentle Aerten, what, exactly was it that went zipping over that gorgeous Irish profile of yours? Hmmm? Was it the "X" or was it the "cactus?" Perhaps you are having your own posts ghostwritten then? Or have you simply moved on to other art? Please DO help Max out here. Thanks.
:) :) :) :) :) :)
Dear Max and Yummy and whatever other personalities lurk in the dark recesses of your mind...
ReplyDeleteConsider for a moment that it may be the very fact of your many personalities that I find a wee bit daft. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course not. It is simply daft.
I dare say you act as though I am implying that "daft" is somehow "wrong." Definitely not. All the people I find interesting are daft. This includes Mr. Aerten, and he would not disagree with my assessment. He would, in fact, hasten to note that I, too, am daft.
There's nothing wrong with you calling what I say daft, or even me myself, for that matter. I'm just glad you show up here everyday.
ReplyDeleteDifferent voices (I erroneously call them personalities) are necessary to make certain kinds of blogs interesting. At least that technique of writing is ONE way to make writing interesting.
You perhaps, for example, have read novels where there are several characters being developed. I assure you, even though they are carrying on conversations with one another, there is truly only one author. Please trust me when I tell you that you wouldn't be nearly as loyal to this blog if you had to hear from plain ol' inoffensive polite regular Teacher-analyst Tom every day. If you don't believe me, go read some of Tom's true personality at NetMaxSys.blogspot.com. Trust me, you will soon run away screaming. But there is a following for that kind of thing as well.
I was having fun with you in the earlier comments. I should have put in more smiley faces so there would have been no doublt.
Don't you know by now how much Max (and Tom, too) really likes you?
I will try and not be so oblique in my posts. The obscure references were to a post that Kelly made in her art blog the other day.
Believe it or not, I understood the obscure references... which probably means they were not obscure enough, eh? And the only reason I'm Aerten here and Kelly there is because Blogger is stupid and doesn't know my name. :) :)
ReplyDeleteAnd since I'm just funnin' back at ya, perhaps I should be putting more :) :) :) :) :) in my posts. Or maybe ;) ;) ;)
Oh, and one author writing multiple characters... not NEARLY as much fun as multiple authors writing a plethora of characters. And some day, Ian and I will finish the darn novel we're writing.
:) ;) :) ;) :) ;)
And I purchased an ad on this site. Hurry up and approve it! :) :) :) It will look so festive!!
You are incredible.
ReplyDeleteGot your ad in under the wire before it filled up again. Why are we suddenly so popular again? Is it my renewed dropping or my continued begging? A little of both probably.
Dear Marmelade. After taking more time to read your first post, which I should have done in the first place, I find that I understand everything you said after all. Well maybe not the camden ponce thing. Maybe I'm starting to get the hang of keeping up with you, do you think? I know, I know. Not a chance. You are so far in front of me I can hardly see your tail lights. Don't give up on me, though.
ReplyDeletePS, Marmelade, if you are really intent on killing that poor bloke, I wouldn't talk about it on your blog for goodness sake. Somebody might think you are serious. And you're NOT serious. Right? Marmelade? Right?
ReplyDeleteIt's ok to talk about it on THIS blog if you want. But, don't forget--on YOUR blog you have strangers actually show up and read your stuff.
So you hate my hair! Why didn't you say so in the first place?
ReplyDeleteLook, Mr. I'm Older Than Elton John, Give Me A Medal, you may know a thing or two about history, but I really KNOW what is hip and trendy. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP about my hair, or else I'll rip your heart out with my hair straightener!
PS. btw, the building I live in is a leeettle bit older than the history of that country of yours. ha!
'I've already stolen all the good words, though.'
ReplyDeleteOh, no ... That's where all my inspiration's gone!
as he good Queen V. said
"We are not amused!"
Well....not ALL the words. The very best ones, though. So you still might want to just give it up. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're funny.
And, as she exclaimed upon bursting suddenly through young Edward's bedroom door: "We will NOT abuse!"
If I may answer Marmelade's earlier comment here rather on the TomKat post, so I don't have to keep skipping around (thank you)...
ReplyDeleteFirst, tell me what is the British equivalent for for "going off half-cocked?" Cos that's what you're doing again.
Marmelade, where on earth did THAT come from? I don't hate your hair. I've never even SEEN your hair. But I absolutely LOVE your avatar. Sheesh!
Older than Elton John? I think not. Never-mind--I know what you meant.
And what was that crack about American History? I don't get it. I can't find any post that relates to anything like that. Have you been down to the cantina again?
---------
And I've just seen your latest post here. You mean you may have drank some coffee once or twice? I don't get it. I haven't have those words defined for me yet. Have you the cojones yet? Or do we need to wonk on back to the cantina again?
Please tell me when I've crossed the line. I never know with you. I hate it when you stomp out like that.
"It is to barf, que no?" I am going to use this term every day from now on.
ReplyDelete