Max stayed up late last night composing a cute little joke for his loyal blog visitors. Max is not used to writing this kind of thing, so please bear with him. He hopes you find it humorous. Or even humourous. If not, perhaps you should be over at the perverted Welshman's place learning about high-quality plastics and the fine art of nipple-clamping instead of taking up valuable elbow room in our more refined blog. Also, in keeping with our goal of edifying a particular dumbass American in the finer points of English as it was meant tuh bee spoke, this little joke will be translated into the British by Sister Claire, and will appear in this space tomorrow. So cum N' lern. Try to come all at once, too.
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A preacher wanted to earn money for his church in Texas. He had heard there was big money in horse racing, so he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races.
However at the auction, the going prices for horses were too steep and the preacher ended up buying a donkey. The preacher figured since he had the donkey, he might as well enter it in the races.
The next day the donkey came in third and the following day the racing form headlines read: “PREACHER’S ASS SHOWS.” The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it again. This time the donkey won. Next day the racing form headlines read: “PREACHER’S ASS OUT IN FRONT.”
The ranking bishop was so upset with this type of publication that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in the races anymore.
Next day the headlines read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER’S ASS.”
This was too much for the bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey so the preacher decided to give the donkey to a nearby convent.
Next day the paper read: “NUNS HAVE THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.”
The bishop fainted. He instructed the nuns to get rid of the animal so they sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.
Next day the paper read: “NUNS PEDDLE ASS FOR TEN DOLLARS.”
The bishop was buried the next day and the following day the paper read:
“TOO MUCH ASS RESPONSIBLE FOR BISHOP’S DEATH.”
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Many thanks, and a big swirl of the hose to EttaRose, who provided the seed of the idea for this joke. (Although her idea was completely different than this one.)
So you half-inched the idea? I see...
ReplyDeleteA. -- Half-inched? You crack me up! Is that really what I did? How humiliating!
ReplyDeleteI'm writing that down right now! :)
Good to see you. Where have you been? I have been by your blog a few times. Good pics. Max missed you.
I will be translating this? But an ass is always an ass.
ReplyDelete@Clair. No Sister. An ass is often a eupemism for "wanker." What am I going to do with you?
ReplyDeleteLinda!!!! Pleas come back!!!!
@Candy. (On "Charlie"-- Big goofy grin right back atcha. Apparently the lights are on today in the big J? Hope so! :) )
Or "Eupehemism"
ReplyDeleteWhichever you prefer.
(eupemism is the lazy American way of spelling the word.)
ReplyDeleteWell. Max is leaving now. Before EttaRose drags herself out of bed.
ReplyDeleteyes but in the joke context wanker wouldn't work.
ReplyDeleteUnless you want it to sound totally daft?
ReplyDeleteOh Claire.
ReplyDeleteYou are so serious and literal. As usual, you are way over my head.
See, I wasn't thinking about still making it funny. That would require a talent that this little doggie doesn't have. I was only talking about about using some of the words and phrases to help me with my "British". For example, the phrase "to sell one's ass" means something quite specific to an American. I suppose to a Brit as well--but is there not another phrase that a Brit might be more likely to use? If so, I'd sure like to add it to my repertoire.
Me thinks we probably need to trot on over to BS2 for a sidebar when you have the time.
Don't you want to know what my resolution is for you today? Have you given up on me? Or are you just playing hard to get today?
:) :) :)
Hmm I think I get you now, sort of.
ReplyDeleteGo on tell me whats your resolution today.
Ok. I'm back.
ReplyDeleteClaire. First tell me if you think my carefully considered category labels for today's post are correct.
Now I'm going back to read you blog. You sure have a lot of archives to read. I think I'm sorry I asked. :)
Back again. Not sorry I asked. Definitely not sorry I asked.
ReplyDeleteHello, anybody here?
ReplyDeleteI've just arrived form down the pub. This bartender makes some mojitos with all his conscience. I can;t raelly type that well.
Me had so mcuh fun, now bored. anyone?
Max, you said you'll traet me with respect today. show some!
We are all just waiting for you, my dear.
ReplyDeleteIs Marmelade intoxicated?
not really, just alittle tispy ... how are we today my dear max? i should imagine is daylight in the cowboylandia...
ReplyDeleteDaylight indeed. Sorry to hear you are not really intoxicated. Max was hoping he might take advantage of you.
ReplyDeleteYummy has been looking for you in your secret mailbox, you know.
:0 )
i know, he's so cute.
ReplyDeleteso right now i'm doing both max and yummy. aaaargh, this didn't come out right. you know what i mean.
god, it must be hard to be you. two of your personalities are colliding :-)
Two?
ReplyDeleteYou haven't yet met Molly and Rod?
Oh, well, do us all as best as you can, dear one.
:) :) :)
So you were good and read my entire archive?
ReplyDeleteoh goody .. claire is here.
ReplyDeletei feel so much better, max is about to unleash himself and i was all by myself, a poor little girl, i am.
Ah Max, for a little doggie you did that one well. Yes I finally dragged my Ass (not donkey) out of bed. But then I am at work when the rest of you lazy wankers are sleeping. I work the midnight shift see. That is how I get all the stupid ideas I have. By the way, I am posting a little link love story tomorrow. Please stop by for some tea and crumpets.(is that right claire?)
ReplyDeleteMax is back. Any night owls out there? Female, preferably...
ReplyDelete:)
ettarose that was ruddy marvellous :)
ReplyDeleteOh but remember arse instead of ass when not talking about a donkey :)
ReplyDeleteI've got your crumpets Hosie. Right here. Come and get them.
ReplyDeleteI got your back, Max.
That's "Rosie", Yummy. Down boy...
ReplyDelete