Wednesday, March 12, 2008

PLEASE HELP (exclamation mark) NOBODY'S COMING (two exclamation marks)


I NEED YOUR HELP! REALLY QUICK!!! (By the way, did you know that Blogspot won't let you put exclamation marks in your blog titles? Goddam Google, anyway.)

As is my custom, I am out today dutifully making comments on people's blogs in an effort to slyly shag them to visit this one. I am proud that I thought of doing that, because I don't think anyone else has ever though of doing that yet.

I am trying to simply make polite comments about the things I see on their blogs, BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE WORKING!!! Since one of the main purposes of OUR blog is to critique each other's word usage, I sure would appreciate it if you would give me some input as to what you think I am doing wrong in my commenting. Please read the following recent example of a real comment I made just a few minutes ago, and give me some constructive criticism. And I mean FAST, or else we're going to be out of business here! (Note the excessive use of exclamation marks. I'm desperate.)

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Hello. I was just out dropping entrecards, and I came across your odd little blog. I don't really understand it, but my real purpose of commenting to you is to get you to visit MY blog at britishspeak.blogspot.com so it really doesn't matter if I understand your blog, I guess.

I see by your entrecard information that you are located in Paris, France. And I thought, "How very cool!" I mean, who wouldn't want take the opportunity to make fun of the French, right? But then I saw the other writing on your blog and said, "Boy, that isn't French, is it?" Magyar, you say? Wow. I'm just an American, so please forgive my ignorance of geography, but that's like, umm, Hungary, right?

I think you would fit in nicely with our little new blog, because I notice when you write you include a lot of those extra "u"s in your words. So that's cool. Even if you find the site a little over your head, I hope you will still visit as it will give you a chance to practice your English and work on your slang, too.

So please come. In fact, since you are in Paris, you can come twice, ok? If you do come twice, I will introduce you to our Lord Likely. So please try really hard to come twice. Thank you.

By the way, what did you mean by "eating cheese in the grass"? Is that a secret code? I hope so, because the Brits really seem to get off on that sort of thing.

PS--I clicked on the word "Hozzaszolasok", the one with all the diacritical marks and accents on it. I sure hope that is Hungarian for "comments" or else I am in big trouble.

PPS--are you a boy or a girl?

Now I am going to click on "Hozzaszolas elkuldese" and see what happens.

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Well, now I'm off to visit "Black Tennis Pro."

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Just got back from "Black Tennis Pros." A pretty cool blog, actually. No, I didn't embarrass myself by trying to make a comment.

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Just tried another one. Hope this version works better. If not, well, I think it is the dead of night in Kangarooland anyway. Hope so:

__________

Dear Mrs. Sparrow:

Love your sense of humor. You seem to have all the requirements to audition for our little group at britishspeak.blogspot.com

Which is to say you might just be worldly enough not to be excessively offended by what we do there.

Besides, we are always looking for more Aussies to amuse and abuse. Do come. and see us sometime. Thanks.

__________

Ok, that do come thing is wearing a little thin now. Won't use it again.

34 comments:

  1. Oh great. Yes, thank you. Another blog that just totally cracks me up. I must subscribe.

    Keep going. I'll be watching.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Welcome aerten!

    Crap. I forgot which comment I used on you that actually worked.

    Thanks for dropping by. I promise to be nice to you for two days. More or less.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You don't need to beg, type it and we will visit honest!

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Alison. Yes. I know. But will you post so we know you've been here? You simply must. Besides, I don't mind a little begging. I run a blog like this and I'm still supposed to have some pride left? That's a good one, Alison.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Stop being such an eager beaver, fame and fortune wont all happen at once.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You secured my attention, sir, thanks to your eye-catching Entrecard!

    Surely that is all that matters.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Nothing else even comes close, m'lord.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm back for more too, but all that football talk leaves me zzzzzzzzzz - sorry, snoozed off there. I don't mind cricket, but football is really the next best thing to watching paint dry.
    Why don't you have Claire and Allison and your other Limey lot tell you about colloquialisms? (pardon me if I spell it incorrectly)
    Having been a Brits' trouble and strife, I've heard a few, but most of them are long forgotten.
    That's not me on the horse. The horse is a he, his name is Goliath, he's a mix of Ardenner and trotter and he's a big boy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hello Stine. Glad to see you back! If you think football is boring, you must be thinking about soccer. I only talk about it in hopes of inducing some volunteer "colloquialisms" but it doesn't seem to work. And I'm afraid I haven't yet discovered what Claire and Alison really like. Besides picking on me. Oh, they'll throw out a few interesting words now and then, but they won't ever define them for me. Trouble and strife. I'm guessing "wife", right? Not because I get it, but because it rhymes and therefore qualifies as Brit humouuur.

    Ok, I knew I had a 50% chance with the horse. At least those are the odds in America. I also knew if I were wrong, there would be a good chance you might come back and correct me. I won. Thanks for coming back.

    PS-Do you really not go to sleep watching cricket? I find that amazing. If you can find 7 natural born Americans who can correctly list the rules of that "sport", I'll fly to Vikingland and feed your horse.

    PPS-My spellchecker didn't explode when I typed in "colloquialisms", so I guess it is spelled correctly, Notice how I'm learning to put my commas inside the quotation marks, too. Have a good day. (Or do you still not have any sun up there yet?) : )

    ReplyDelete
  10. Max... yeah, well, if you're not nice to me, it won't be anything I'm not used to. I have a teenager. :)

    I've added you to my RSS reader, too.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Or rather, I TRIED to add you to my RSS reader. Some kind of weirder error message. No matter! Bookmarks work, too.

    ReplyDelete
  12. @aerten

    I'll be nice to you. I am a completely new person. Claire just wore me down. I surrender. It's Max the pussycat from now on.

    Don't know about that error message. I just use Google Reader, and it seems to still work for me. (And besides it's free.) If you want to use that, just go to reader.google.com and sign up. Then go to feedburner.com if you haven't already and sign up for that. Then come back and click on the orange thingy on the website and add britishspeak.blogspot.com as a new subscription item in the feedburner field prompt. Finally, go back to your Google Reader account and add the subscription to your reader. Once you've done that it gets much simpler for your next subscription. Especially if you stay signed in on feedburner.

    You have to do both steps, though. Clicking on the orange button and adding the URL to Feedburner is only like putting it on a clipboard--you still have to do the second step which is to go to the reader and subscribe. Arrrrrrrgh!!!

    If you have already done all that, you will have to ask Claire. Honestly, she knows it all.

    Nevermind. Bookmark is cool.

    Thanks again for coming back!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Free is excellent, which is why I use the Google reader myself. (Though it looks like Google might be trying to take over the world. Whatever.) I tried adding your site a few more times to the reader, and eventually it worked. I'm nothing if not tenacious.

    All is well.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I have wore you down already?

    I like rugby, beer and funny men :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. @aerten

    Systems Programmer, eh? I guess you think I must feel pretty darn stupid right now for those low-tech instructions about subscribing to my feed.

    You'd be right. : )

    ReplyDelete
  16. Rugby, beer and funny men. What an odd combination. But probably you mean at different times. Wish I were a funny man. But I just come off as grumpy when I try. I missed you. I'm glad you have come back.

    ReplyDelete
  17. By the way, Claire, I saw your drunk picture on your blog. I think you might want to consider skipping the beer part, finding you a couple of funny men, and watch some rugby. But what a poor substitute for beer. Never mind.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Wish you had used that comment on me. I am used to being called obnoxious.

    So I am here, where is the champagne or at least a coffee. Sheesh. Whats a girl gotta do? Show a little leg???

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hello kelley! Got your email this morning. Sorry for the delay, but as you say, it was the middle of the night here. I am starting to wake up now. After I get more coffee down me, I'll be able to better. Loved Hello Kitty. Didn't mean to piss you off with my comment but I was crudely trying to intice you to visit us here, if only to swear at me. You (sadly) sound much more sane than your blog would indicate. I hope you will visit us regularly and help me with some of these translations. The others won't. I will understand if you don't answer right away, as it is probably the middle of the night there again. (Does that happen every single day there?)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Yes, systems programmer. And systems administrator before that. Webmaster (or mistress, depending on who you ask). I'm a geek. And it's all SOOOOOO boring. Except for writing SQL code. That's pretty exciting.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Writing SQL code. Yes, that DOES sound arousing.

    ReplyDelete
  22. What I meant to say was bugger that job for a game of soldiers. Stick to art. Even though you're housing and feeding yourself, you are not being true to yourself. Stop and smell the roses. That is, try and plan for an extraordinary sausagefest this weekend. Or even more exciting, code some SQL on your own alone in your room, just for fun. Yo! Scrum!

    I only understand two of those words, but its' fun using them.

    ReplyDelete
  23. There you go using Britspeak and confusing the poor Yank. Ok, I can ignore those bit, yo. Mr. Aerten pays the mortgage, though it is true that I buy the food. The smell of roses makes my head hurt. No sausagefest, I'm vegetarian. So it's off to write SQL code.

    Just kidding. I'm working on my art, when I'm not dropping cards and reading blogs. Word.

    ReplyDelete
  24. According to my good friend Claire, it is possible for vegetarians to also have sausagefests. As I understand it, it would involve Mr. Aerten, though. I think.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I definitely like your friend Claire. Sadly, Mr. Aerten is busy killing orcs or whatever it is those World of Warcraft people do.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Pity. Saturday night, too. : )

    ReplyDelete
  27. Well, will you look at that! So it is.

    Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody. I got some money cuz I just got paid.

    Hey, how about that! Yesterday was payday. Songs like that are freaky. And I've dropped 300 for the day, so it must be time to sleep.

    ReplyDelete
  28. 300. Wow. I'm lucky if I get 35. No wonder it doesn't cost anything to advertise here.

    I think I am going to pull the plug soon, too.

    :-D

    ReplyDelete
  29. Darn good thing I managed to get Google Reader to finally admit to your existence, then.

    I think I might have a touch of OCD. Why else would I continue to drop on sites that try to crash my computer, make my ears bleed or try to make me blind? I suppose I could be slightly daft. Hmmm. Yes, that's as likely. Possibly more likely.

    ReplyDelete
  30. OCD? Ok, I'll bite. I've run through my brains small store of computer abbreviations and have come up empty. All the possibilities I can come up with aren't fit to print. It must mean something else.

    And Aerten? Cancel your subscription to that reader and come back home to the actual site in person. At least for one time. Pretty please?. There's something I am trying to ask you. Or show you.

    I've just about finished my meager drops for the day. 35 for each blog. That's about 100. If you want your patience tried, go to that traveling bra lady's site and wait for it to load. Gosh that's a busy blog. Worth the wait, though.

    By the by, I've been following you around from post to post. Did you see my answer to yours on that Wombat post from this morning?

    ReplyDelete
  31. OCD = Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Not a computer term at all, at all! Sneaky, aren't I?

    I do come over here to your site. How else is it possible for me to make comments and converse, eh? ("Eh" would be Canadian. I'm pretty close to Canada.)

    And I also have an account with CoComment, so it usually tells me when there have been comments on posts I've previously commented on. But it didn't tell me about the wombat post, though it might still be thinking about it.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Ummmm. What?

    Sorry, I have ADD.

    Yes, I have spent entirely too much time around Canadians. And now they're bragging about how much their money is worth. Can you believe that? I've been trying to lure a Canadian to our site with no success. The only Canadian blogs I have seen (except for JohnChow's boring stuff) are about Jesus and dieting. Their heads would explode if they saw our blog. I will keep searching, but the going is tough. So few Canadians can read anymore.

    CoComment? Oh, Aerten, you wear me out. I am probably the only blogger who would ever tell you this, but get rid of all that automated stuff and just come and visit us in person. OK? Sheesh.

    Give me your opinion on my new blog header picture. Ain't she a beaut? Just a bigger version of my entrecard widget. Linda didn't like her. Make a comment on that first "bugger" post and tell me what you think about her (the new picture, not Linda.) I value your opinion. Somewhat.

    Aerten, you are so funny. You understand me so well. I think I chased those other ladies off. I feel bad about that. I am trying to quieten down, but sometimes Max just comes out again. So I guess that means I am bipolar as well. Or shitzoid or something.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Max, Max, Max... give up the technology and the gadgets and the automation and the bright, shiny things? No can do. Sorry. What kind of geek would I be if I gave all that up? I'll tell you: an ex-geek. And you can only become an ex-geek through brain death.

    Isn't CanuckleHead a Canadian? Other than that suggestion, I can't help much. I don't know many Canadians who blog. Maybe it's too cold there, and they're claiming their computers don't work. (All three forms of that homonym in one sentence! I am mighty, indeed!)

    It's probably not bipolar or schizophrenia... possibly multiple personality disorder. I can relate.

    ReplyDelete

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