Tuesday, March 18, 2008

And then, suddenly...Un-twonckrified!


Isn't it amazing how a few hours of sleep can clarify muddy thinking?

I was so sleepy that I was almost falling off my chair, and the words on the monitor screen had become unintelligible. I drifted off completely. The pain of a cat climbing up my leg like a tree brought me quickly back to consciousness. I bolted upright and realized I was still sitting in front of the computer. Several lines of gibberish on the page marked the point where I had dozed off and my body had slumped forward, pressing my hands down hard on the keyboard. It was hopeless. I erased the lines of gibberish and went to bed.

A few hours later, I was awakened by my usual alarm clock walking up and down my back. It was still dark. I shuffled into the next room and saw the glow of the computer as it too came awake from my bumping against the desk. I started reading the long-winded crap that was still on the screen. Surely I hadn't really posted all this in my zombie-like stupor, had I? Why, yes. It seems I had. I began reading more. JesusJosephandMary! Had this REALLY looked good enough to me a few hours ago to post?

And then I saw there was email. An advert and 3 real comments. Because it is sorted by time of receipt, Eddy's was on top. And, once again, the man ("lad" as he says) responsible for causing my original little seedling to take sprout, came to my rescue. In his few short lines, the light came back on in my head. His few words quickly reminded me why I had begun this journey in the first place, and also gently reminded me of why this "joint blog" has been so successful in such a short time. Once again, my friend, I thank you.

1. We don't have to shut down this blog. Why would I want to kill the goose when such golden nuggets are still being laid?

2. We don't need to "enter phase two and get down to business"--we ARE already "down to business" and have been from the very start.

3. We don't have to force ourselves to begin some sort of rigorous research: our book is already writing itself! All we have to do is stand back and let it finish.

With a few innocent comments, and the introduction of a wonderfully descriptive new word into my little world, my new friend has made that light go back on in my head: the book is already being written. Wittily, cleverly, interestingly. Naturally. All we have to do is stand back and watch it grow. Nothing is wrong. It simply isn't finished yet.

No, Eddy. We don't have to artificially think up words and make big lists. It is I who has been the twoncker. (Gosh, I hope that means "thick-headed"! If not, then that's what I've been anyway.) What we need to do is throw away them 'ol starchy, stifling rules and let our baby grow. Our job is to nourish it and encourage it, not put it in a strait jacket.

If we build it, they will come. That's all. As the unimaginably inarticulate Lyndon Johnson said as he assumed the presidency upon the death of John Kennedy--"Muh fella 'Mericans, lettuce continyah." And so we shall.

xxxxxxxxx

And one more thing: The Floozy shall return. In a more modest condition perhaps. But Eleanor and Margaret can never provide the same inspiration. Look what almost happened when I abandoned The Floozy! Look how serious I got with Eleanor and Maggie staring at me. Sorry, ladies.

Watch that space.

20 comments:

  1. As I can clearly see, the Floozy is a necessary part of this little corner of cyberspace. Carry on.

    I read your missive this morning before I had finished waking up, and I gotta tell ya, Max... I was darn confused. Thank you for setting the world a-right again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you aerten. I hope you agree that we need to lighten back up and give this blog room to evolve in the direction it best sees fit.

    Sorry. Not drunk, just lost in space.

    I am in the process of moving the book-related current posts (which are more administrative than entertaining) over to another blog at britishspeak2.blogspot.com

    There we can talk about the book freely and not burden the casual visitors with that talk. I want to get the main blog back on track--which is "irreverently collecting and commenting upon interesting and funny British and Australian euphemisms and colloquialisms."

    Yes, the blog needs to be refloozified within the next day or two. Albeit more modestly. (God, I hope it wasn't that red triangle that was my real good luck charm!)

    PS-send me an email address where I can send you blogspot's dumb little invitation to become a private member/author of that new workplace blog mentioned above. I've never seen the invitation they send out, so I don't know if you have to sign up or anything. Knowing Google, they will require you to sign up for a Google acct. Those of you who already have Avatars on these blogspot comments obviously already have a Google acct anyway. You can send it to me at dumbass@boomerwebusa.com (BoomerWebUSA is another idiot project that is about to explode on a helpless unsuspecting world.) Thanks.

    Others of our group who are interested in discussing the book project and its progress, also send me an email address where I can send you an invitation so that the site will let you in. Don't make me write to each and every one of you. Be nice.

    ReplyDelete
  3. By the way, I need to warn you that I think "Inside Candy" may be coming soon. Hell, she may be coming right now. What time is it in South Africa?

    She has been uncharacteristically timid so far. But I know she's lurking out there somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I guess it's a good thing you didn't fall asleep and then begin drooling in your keyboard thereby shorting it out and taking down the rest of the electricity in the house with it.

    As for the floozie, or former floozie, I had no big problem with her other than it lent a bit of a stripper-air to your blog here but if that's what attracts men (and Lord knows it seems to!) or gives them inspiration (and Lord knows it seems to do that, too!) then bring her back and run her up the pole again. More or less ...

    Oh, and just FYI, I do not have an entrecard though Claire has been trying to talk me into getting one for quite some time. Claire pointed me in this direction, I left a comment, and you commented back hence the way we "found" each other. With everything else going on, I just haven't had time to go around collecting or dropping virtual cards into people's virtual boxes - or wherever one drops such things!

    Right then - now carry on!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, what the hell. Why don't I just violate every copyright convention ever held and reprint her most recent post which I just flagrantly stole off her website. It will save you from having to visit her smutty website at http://insidecandy.co.za/

    "In Candy We Trust". Indeed.

    xxxxxxxxx

    the dog’s bollocks

    This morning I wrote an Entrecard recommendation stating that the blog BritishSpeak is the dog’s bollocks.

    Since the blog is written by a self-proclaimed ‘dumbass American‘ (for the record, I’m particularly partial to dumbass Americans, not least because I’m wildly in love with one of them), to avoid a possible misunderstanding, I thought it would be pertinent to clarify that said recommendation is in fact a compliment.

    In other contexts the word bollocks, (meaning testicles …which incidentally are not entirely dissimilar to breasticles, a nice, user-friendly word I made up) has a negative connotation (for example ‘that’s bollocks’ means ‘that’s rubbish’). Whereas, to call something the Dog’s Bollocks means that it is excellent - the absolute apex.

    Although it isn’t clear why the dog’s bollocks are considered to be the hottest of the hot shit, according to The Phrase Finder, dogs enjoy licking them. However there is apparently no evidence to link the coining of this phrase to that.

    "The dog’s bollocks seems to have originated in Britain in the late 1980s. At that time the scurrilous magazine, Viz used the term frequently. For example, they used it in the title of an issue in 1989:

    ‘Viz: the dog’s bollocks: the best of issues 26 to 31‘.

    It isn’t clear that that is the origin - Viz’s writer’s frequently latched on to any vaguely obscene street slang and printed it."

    As a last bit of insight into this highly expressive and sincerely complimentary phrase, apparently since it came into use, some rather entertaining alternatives have emerged. These have included the pooches privates, and one of my favourites, the mutt’s nuts.

    xxxxxxx

    The mutt's nuts?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Good morning Linda-Susie! Back for more abuse, are we? How chuffed I feel to have your permission to refloozifize. I promise she'll be, um, tastefully obscured, this time. Well, maybe not tastefully. That's a pretty tall order for Max. But BETTER obscured, for sure.

    By the by--are you not feeling well this morning? I understood every word of your comment. Are you sure that's really you out there in your palatial Connecticut estate? And not one of the servants hacking your computer? Just curious.

    Entrecard no go, eh? What do I care. Just one less site to visit, I say.

    (Just kidding. You know Max could never stay away from that, um, um, magnificent blog of yours.)

    Do let me send you one of those silly Google invite emails so you can come onto that new book blog I was talking about earlier. Ok?

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is becoming very complicated for my tiny mind. I'll send you an email? OK.

    ReplyDelete
  8. A. --I got your email and have just send the info back to you. Hope you are still there to get it. If not, just do it when you get back.

    Max (Tom)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I have posted the male floozy on BS2 :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I answered you on BS2 as well. (I'm trying to keep BS1 pure.)

    ReplyDelete
  11. 'Ello again, Max -

    My apologies for being so understandable in my last comment. Generally after spending 16 hours in the 911 dispatch center where I work I tend to get a bit wonky and narked so it takes awhile for me to return to normal. My thoughts tend to be a bit shambolic as well as higgledy-piggledy so getting them in order takes time.

    Now, as for your header, if you could refrain from posting some trollop in scanty knickers displaying her fanny or some randy looking tart who looks like she'd ride the next John Thomas that walked into a pub I would appreciate it. We Colonials do have sensibilities that can be easily offended sometimes.

    Cheers,
    Linda-Susie

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh, and I forgot, I thought you were sending me an email invite?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hello Linda. I need you to give me an email address you would like to use as a username to get on the new site. I have to send it to google so they will recognize you when you try and sign in. You can send it to me at dumbass@boomerwebusa.com and it will then be forwarded to my personal email. Then I'll forward it to Google. Then it only takes a couple of minues after that. You can be on the site in less than 10 minutes if you send it to me right away, ok?

    ReplyDelete
  14. OK Linda, I sent it to Google a few minutes ago. You need to reply to their automated email and then you'll be on. As you can probably see by Claire's recent post, above, she's already on the new site and abusing her posting privileges already. You'll like it. Her flooze is much classier than mine. (But not for long.)

    By the way, I don't know for sure, because I already have a Google account for other stuff, but somebody told me that if you didn't already have a (free) Google account already, they make you sign up for one before they will let you sign in. Not sure. Just wanted to warn you because I just thought of it. Of course, if you already have a Google acct (and come to think of it, if you have an avatar on this blogspot blog, you must have. Well. Never mind. Just make sure you respond to their automated verification thingy and then you'll be on. 'Bye.

    Be sure and let me know if you don't hear from Google right away. Because that means I typed in your address wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yeah I did. I am resending it now. Pardonmoi.

    ReplyDelete
  16. oh happy day - it IS YOU! I almost attacked you violently on my blog.

    please fix your link there! and where is your profile on blogger?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh, what the hell. Why don't I just violate every copyright convention ever held and reprint her most recent post which I just flagrantly stole off her website. It will save you from having to visit her smutty website at http://insidecandy.co.za/

    "In Candy We Trust". Indeed.

    xxxxxxxxx

    the dog’s bollocks

    This morning I wrote an Entrecard recommendation stating that the blog BritishSpeak is the dog’s bollocks.

    Since the blog is written by a self-proclaimed ‘dumbass American‘ (for the record, I’m particularly partial to dumbass Americans, not least because I’m wildly in love with one of them), to avoid a possible misunderstanding, I thought it would be pertinent to clarify that said recommendation is in fact a compliment.

    In other contexts the word bollocks, (meaning testicles …which incidentally are not entirely dissimilar to breasticles, a nice, user-friendly word I made up) has a negative connotation (for example ‘that’s bollocks’ means ‘that’s rubbish’). Whereas, to call something the Dog’s Bollocks means that it is excellent - the absolute apex.

    Although it isn’t clear why the dog’s bollocks are considered to be the hottest of the hot shit, according to The Phrase Finder, dogs enjoy licking them. However there is apparently no evidence to link the coining of this phrase to that.

    "The dog’s bollocks seems to have originated in Britain in the late 1980s. At that time the scurrilous magazine, Viz used the term frequently. For example, they used it in the title of an issue in 1989:

    ‘Viz: the dog’s bollocks: the best of issues 26 to 31‘.

    It isn’t clear that that is the origin - Viz’s writer’s frequently latched on to any vaguely obscene street slang and printed it."

    As a last bit of insight into this highly expressive and sincerely complimentary phrase, apparently since it came into use, some rather entertaining alternatives have emerged. These have included the pooches privates, and one of my favourites, the mutt’s nuts.

    xxxxxxx

    The mutt's nuts?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ok. There it is. I shouldn't do it after the way you moderated my comment off your blog this morning. What--you don't allow that word on your high-class blog? it's gonna take me a while to get over that one.

    Profile? I'm a DOG for crissakes! What kind of a profile can a sleeping dog have? You mean a REAL profile? Fat chance. I'm in enough trouble already without giving out clues like that. I put up a new one every Friday for a few hours. Come back. I WILL post a picture of me when I get back up in the morning. You can print is out and hide it away in case that big stud boyfriend of yours has to go out of town on business for a couple of days. Just don't drool all over it. Stop by and get it in about 8 hours. It's 2 am here and I am trying to go to bed. Leave me alone, will you?

    If I may be serious for a moment--and only a moment--I was so happy and all puffed up when I read your post early this morning, I could hardly contain myself. How cool was that? I wanted to steal it so at least the few people who stop by here would get curious and go see the rest of your stuff. Which is great, by the way. Where do you get your ideas, anyway? By the way, I'm trying to work up an entrecard recommendation. I hope you like it.

    Now, if I have kissed your arse enough to pacify you for a few hours, I'm going to bed. Crap! My email honker just went off. That better not be you again. (I secretly hope it is, of course.)

    ReplyDelete
  19. What's all this about new sites and so forth?

    Where is my golden invitation?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dear Lord:

    Golden invitation? Did you not receive it? The reason it was golden, by the way, was because I dropped in that big bucket of piss you spilled all over your perverted blog the other day...

    Wait. No. That's not true! What I need you to do, m'Lord, is to give me an email address you want to use for a username over there. Then I have to send it to Google to get their servers to recognize you as somebody who should allowed to get on us. Then, as soon as your respond to Google's autoresponder verification message, you're in. As a matter of speaking.

    There isn't much there yet, though. We are just starting to get set up over there.

    It would probably be best if you sent that email address to me in a message on the entrecard site. If you know what I mean. We are being watched here.

    PS--how very fortuitous that your entrecard advert happened to be running on our blog today, as well. No?

    ReplyDelete

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