Thursday, April 3, 2008

Claire gets to explain Horny

Thank you to all the folks that voted in my wee web poll, it was a complete surprise that you picked the word 'Horny' as my wondrous topic.

Now for the in depth study into the word Horny, what is the etymology and linguistic origin of this word. Hang about? You weren't just expecting smut now were you? Well if you want smut then you must be at least somewhat educated before you get some.
The word horn in this context has been knocking about in the written form since the mid-18th century, referring to an erection because an erection is horn like apparently, not that I would know this of course. There is also some other bumpf about it being something to do with a horny horned egyptian god, but that was bloody long and too complicated to read.

So from horn you get horny, which now applies to males and females, it's a lovely unisex phrase.
A few definitions found on the interweb, please don't read if you are easily aroused or likely to be offended by sexual terms. In fact don't read any further, just look at the cartoon or something.
Right so now you are up to date on horny and hopefully still with me? Lets hope I am not going arse about face with all this info.
If you are feeling horny as defined in the links above. You are feeling sexually aroused, your heart rate has quickened and different parts of you are affected depending on what sex you are. I have compiled a delightful list of various names that you may come across, literally or not. Some of these will cause offense, so please don't go about saying them willy nilly.

Female Bits: Growler, Gash, Hairy clam, honey pot, lady garden, quim, spunk bucket, twat, vadge, minge, muff, badly packed kebab, bearded clam, Chuff, clout, Flange, Fadge, fanny, front bottom, bucket fanny, clown's pocket.

Male/dangly Bits: Cock, prick, beef bayonet, bell-end, chopper, custard chucker, dong, donger, German helmet, knob-end, John Thomas, knob, lad, langer, length, , maggot, member, middle leg, mutton dagger, old chap, old fellow, old man, one-eyed trouser-snake, percy, pink cigar, pocket rocket, pork dagger, pork sword, pud, purple-headed warrier, purple headed womb broom, sausage, skin flute, spam javelin, tallywhacker, todger ,tool, trouser snake, widgy, willy, winkle

Male dingly bits when affected: stonker, stiffy, biggie, pitch a tent, semi, trouser tent, morning glory, get it up, hard-on, lazy lob, lob on, pan handle, stalk, wood,woody,

Actually 'Doing it': How's your father? Slap and tickle, bunk up, leg over, quickie, seeing to, shafting, Bonk, bang, shag, stuffing, trouser action, humping, on the job, quickie.

Hope this explanation and these terms help to bring the British language into your every day usage. If I have missed out anything please let me know and I will add it to the list.

PS. Horny is also a synonym for the devil! So beware of his/her many forms, not meaning me, heh.
PPS. Internet lingo: iah - i am horny, also not actually me.

12 comments:

  1. Now I see why I liked "chuffed" so much! :)

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  2. pink cigar! hahahahahhahaha

    too funny!

    also, a hairy clam doesn't sound too arousing, but it's just me ...

    good work, Claire!

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  3. @relax max, that doesn't surprise me. It also means very happy or pleased with yourself :)

    @marmelade, apparently you can smoke a pink cigar :P

    Hairy clam is one that I would put in the offensive list :)

    Thank you!

    :)

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  4. Claire, I imagine it would have a similar effect to playing a skin flute. :-)

    Max, cover your ears!

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  5. I can't, Marmelade. Both of my hands are occupied.

    :)

    Well, what the hell. Max's leash broke again...

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  6. When can we do the slap and tickle my dear?

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  7. @marmelade I think your right! hahah

    @relaxmax by that I hope you mean counting stats?

    @Kevin, in September :)

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  8. Good heavens, Claire!

    Now I have got the raging horn myself!

    Marvelous work indeed.

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  9. @ Lord Likely, if that's not an official seal of excellence then I don't know what is!

    Let the throbbing commence :)

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  10. Thanks Claire! But I don't se your hairy beaver on the list?! Still it will come in quite handy while I'm reading Lord Likely's journals...now I might actually understand them! (Just kidding LL!) :)

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  11. @Olga my hairy beaver will come in handy when you read Lord Likely's post! How Rude!

    Hairy Beaver has US origins so cant go on my list here :)

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  12. another phrased used on this side of the world for a female is a

    SNATCH!!!

    My daughter got in a fight with a girl once at school called her a dirty snatch.. My daughter was expelled.. it really happened

    Bwahaahahaha

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