Claire gets Horny

On researching this post I could not help but feel rather horny with all that talk of dongers and dangly bits, it made my honey pot start to throb. But what could I do about it now? Watch James Bond again and be partly satisfied when Daniel Craig get his todger whacked in that rather nice torture scene. There is something about the way he wields a 45 caliber pistol that gets me going, ah hem, anyroad back to the story.

Now I have put all that research into context, using a purely fictional tale, that may sound true, but it is all for the post, honest.

This is the 'How a chap gets his leg over' tale

If a chap happens to feel horny and his John Thomas starts talking to him, he will attempt to approach a female, if that's what persuasion tickles his fancy. If he does find some talent that is receptive to him, what will he do next?
Hopefully he will show some restraint, especially if they are down the local Red Lion pub and will not attempt to shag her right there and then. This would not go down well with the locals, as its just not the done thing here in Britain. He should buy her a sherry or whatever the ladies drink of choice is and begin to woo her. If he is feeling pretty flush a bag of pork scratchings wouldn't go a miss.
So far so good, the chap has found a girl that looks all fur coat and no knickers, a bonus in this type of thing. He is chatting her up and she is receptive to rather vigorous snogging session, which then caused a rather large stonker. Things have now progressed to such a level that he grabs the ladies hand and persuades her to leave the public house with him, he uses his coat to cover the noticeable trouser tent.
Things are still looking good, the happy couple are now in the alley/bedroom/car/wherever and have resumed snogging, there is even some under the clothes groping.
Once he finally had had a butchers at this birds rather nice bussom, his purple headed womb broom was getting fit to burst. It was going to be a quickie this first time, but hopefully he could go on and give her a good seeing to.
There was a bit of aggro with her tights but soon he was banging away, there was no fannying around for this chap.
Now he had gotten what he wanted, what about the lady in question? Was it good for her?
Her reply:

"I suppose it was better than a slap in the face with a wet kipper"

There will be a follow up post with some more lovely terms and explanations of all things horny.

Please read the post below for more rude erm I mean an in depth linguistic journey into the world of horny Brits.