Damn but I love this blog!
Where does Max get his ideas? I secretly try to outdo him, of course, but I am truly so far behind him, sometimes I can barely make out his tail lights in the distance. He is truly my hero!
When he asked me this week if I would like to do a guest post (ok, I admit I have been begging him to let me for a long time now--have even offered to pay him!) it was hard for me to decide on an interesting subject. I mean, how do you follow an act like Max's? He's done just about every subject imaginable, and--let's face it--he's done them well! Of his recent posts, I really like the one yesterday about the cotton candy: not too long, not too short, really pithy in content, a touch of really cool innuendo in his comments. But I suppose my all-time favorite would have to be the one about Fat Bastard shagging that bird. A classic! Who could possibly add anything to something like that! Unless, well, "Free Willy" came really close, didn't it? Perhaps the satire was a little elite in that one, but I myself was able to comprehend much of it.
Sometimes I can't help but get down on myself when I go back to my own humble blog and see the stark difference. The main difference? Max is funny. Let's face it, eh?
I don't really know how else I can express my esteem, envy, and incredible admiration for this wonderful, talented guy, so I guess I'll just stop.
VIVA MAX!!!
[Experience the delirium that is Canucklehead. Click here.]
Thanks for the guest post, Canucklehead. You can stop kissing up now--the contest is over and you have won the Canadian Affirmative Action Award already. Damn sorry your powerball ticket was a loser, though, man. On the bright side, I myself hit a nice piece of change on my own ticket that I had bought at the same time as yours. So that was good. Thanks again.
ReplyDeleteCanucklehead, I really liked your groveling.
ReplyDeleteBut when you say Max is GREAT, you don't know the HALF of it Canucky! Oh, the stories Candy Girl could tell! But that might make him upset, and I don't want to get cut off. If you get my drift. :)
Way to go Canucklehead!
ReplyDeleteMax is my best bud, but you are a close second. Ummm fourth, after Floo Z and Candy Girl. And Marmelade. Errr Fifth. Besides ettarose...
Anyway, I think your blog is really 'way cool, dude! The dog's nuts, or whatever that is the British say. Not the words of your blog, you know-- the picture of that hot blonde barmaid. Owwwwwwooooooo!!!
Canucklehead is really cool, though, folks. I'll bet he has the largest collection of Wayne Newton records inside the Arctic circle. He's right up there behind Max. And Marmelade. And Candy Girl. Of course he's waaaaaaaay behind Claire...
Canucklehead, you did a fine job of kissing arse I must say. I think Max must have paid you.I will post one of these days and show Max how much he needs to pay for real arse kissing. Of course he would be kissing MINE! Love ya Max
ReplyDeleteFat Bastard is my hero. Any obese Scotsman that comes up with, "I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey," is an fucking winner in my book.
ReplyDeletewhile I couldn't agree more with Canucklehead, I must admit I'm a little bit concerned about that candy girl. seems to me she has a bit of a loose mouth, if you know what I mean. You shouldn't let her roam free like this on people's blogs. one day she'll spill the beans on you, and who knows what horrible horrible stories she has to tell. just saying.
ReplyDeleteanyway, i want to investigate now who is this Canucklehead and see why he's so infatuated with you. i'll report later.
yummy, where have you been? i missed you buddy!
@ettarose - Shit, ettarose, I'm disappointed that you haven't even discovered the true extent of my treachery, the piece dee reesistance. Click on "Canuclehead's" link love at the bottom of his post. I'm a master at this, ettarose. Give it up. :)
ReplyDelete@qelqoth - So that's all it takes to get you over here?--a fat mythical character capable of gross transgressions against even the basest of senses? You got it man!
@ canuclkehead - I swear I have no idea what you're talking about, dude. No way you've got a lawyer. You're bluffing, eh?
@ marmelade - Candy Girl apologizes. She was just bored when nobody came to amuse her yesterday. She will make Max play with other girls and stay dutifully in her room.
I'm sorry I misspelled your name in that comment, Canuckleheard. i was going to go back and correct it, but the comment was too long. Hope you understand, big guy. :)
ReplyDeleteHa-ha! I was a little concerned when I found out that someone was using my good name in a unsolicited guest post. My initial concern was that people would think that these thought and words would be attributed with my good name. I was delighted to finally make my over here today and see that there is nothing that people could remotely think was feasible for me to believe. The only time I actually visit this blog is when I want to do a screen print and scrape something off the bottom of my shoe. (I used to line my birdcage with it but it made the poor thing sick (RIP Tweety). However, for the record, you Mr. Max have once again made a very powerless enemy!
ReplyDelete"I wanna eat yer baby!!!"
ReplyDeleteI love Fat Bastard.
I'm getting to know Max
@Canucklehump -glad to see you finally drag your ass out of bed! I was going crazy here. People were starting to actually think it was you, for crissakes! You know how damn gullible people like ettarose and qelqoth are! If you know Max at all, you know he doesn't think very far ahead when he does soemthing like this--so act faster to save his ass next time. I'm glad you FINALLY set the record straight as to what is really going on here. But couldn't you just have played along for a while? Did you have to tell everybody what you REALLY think of me? Prick.
ReplyDelete@Bridget with a "D" - I knew I was on to something (don't I wish!) when I found out about you! Bring it on, baby! Talk dirty to Max! Eat away!
ReplyDeleteGod, I love it. I hope she's really female...
Oh aye? talk dirty must I?
ReplyDeletePerhaps we should just set up a time to watch Snatch together eh?
I meant the MOVIE you dirty minded .... erm ... what should I call you?
@Qelqoth - Fat Bastard is about to take another shit in my next post, so you and Canucleprick better stick around. You can watch and marvel at how much comes out, and the Canuck can take pictures and post them on his sorry blog. It's be the best fun you've had since... well, never mind that shit. I'm not giving you any publicity you fucking pervert. Just come by and "smell" the roses. I just know both of you will get off on it! :)
ReplyDeletePS-Describing Fat Bastard taking a dump is the best way I can think of to get rid of this Canucklejerk post. Just have Fat Bastard push him farther and farther down the blog. Eh?
Do you believe it? Now he's trying to deny that it was him what even made the post!
@Bridget - God, you're giving me a raging horn! Call me pervert, letch, "big boy", crazy, long-tongue--anything at all. Just don't call me too late to get the deed done.
ReplyDelete(How'm I doin' Candy Girl?)
OK ... Raging Horn it is.
ReplyDeleteFat Bastard's stool movements totally get me off. I'll look forward to the photos. ;)
ReplyDeleteyou're doing just fine, my little muffin. xoxoxo!
ReplyDeletenow, remember, don't you rush, ok? breath in, breath out, slowly, or else you'll scare lovely bridget away ... she seems such a nice girl.
What a wealth of comments there continues to be on the previous post about Cotton Candy! If you haven't been reading the comments today on that post, I wish you would.
ReplyDeleteMuch of the publicity comes from the fact that Claire left a link to the post before she left, and many of her following has stopped by. Thank you for doing that, Claire.
But some folks have just simply stumbled across us--such as the lady named Caroline who has landed in America from England and is frustrated that nobody here seems to speak her brand of English. I hope some of you will befriend her. You can read her posts at Cotton Candy, and also on the "Words" (with the flag picture) post. Thanks.
Max
@Candy Girl - I thought we agreed we wouldn't go wandering around the blogs unescorted. Now go back home and send me you know who, ok? Hmmmmm?
ReplyDeleteYou can find me here too... I am the spoken of Caroline.
ReplyDeleteMax is chasing you around now, Caroline--you are ever so agile, jumping from post to post! (Max likes agility in a girl. :) ) But if you go back to the Cotton Candy one before you leave, and talk more to me about Geordie, as I have left you a comment there. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteits like hide and seek...
ReplyDeletebut not quite
And Caroline? Please don't read the comments on this post. I don't know you well enough yet, and I don't want you to run away screaming. Although if you are from the Northeast, you make be able to bring it right back at us, eh? :)
ReplyDeletetoo late, I've already read them...
ReplyDeletebut I am still here. Not sure what that says about me...
@Caroline - Canuclehead is Canadian and harmless. Hasn't a clue. He's lucky to find both shoes in the morning. Dont' worry about him. Qelqoth, on the other hand is to be avoided like the plague. A psychotic drunken Welshman with an axe to grind. Has his own terrible blog. Stay away from that one. Trust Max on this one... :)
ReplyDeleteIt says you're our kind of girl? :)
ReplyDeleteUmmm... you ARE over 21, my dear? Just askin'...
You're ok I am over 21, although if I was reading this in england, I'd only have to be 18.
ReplyDeleteI'll be watching out for Qelqoth, The psychotic drunken Welshman with an axe to grind.
You have to be wary of those welshmen, especially when they are psychotic and drunken with an axe to grind.
I thought you called for me.
ReplyDeleteWell, big boy, next time you really want me I may not be available!
ta-ta, I'm going to my boudoir now and stay there.
@Caroline - Max is really starting to like this little lost girl from the Norh of England, you know that? Tell us some more about yourself. (If you want to.) ;)
ReplyDelete@Candy Girl -Wait! Wait for Max, baby!!!
ReplyDeleteBut here's Caroline, so alone on a strange blog...
What's a little dog to do? owwwoooooo!
(He trots after Ma....Candy like the little puppydog he is. But keeps his laptop under his collar in case Caroline gets in trouble with the vile Welshman.)
@Caroline - tell me where you want Max to go, and he'll wait for you to catch up. How about we just stay here on the most recent post? The one known as the "Canuclehead Adoration of Max" post? :)
ReplyDeleteI never know what to say when someone says "tell me more about yourself"
ReplyDeletewhich is quite strange, because normally I don't have a problem with finding stuff to say.
So, my response is.. "what do you want to know?"
Do you just like to spell his name wrong?
ReplyDeleteIs there a competition for how many different spellings you can come up with?
@Caroline
ReplyDeleteTime frame? Well, it isn't like they are holding the presses for us. I have tried to move the project forward several times, but the British have their own timetable it seems. Plus they seem to drink a lot. And several, although very intelligent and good writers, are just natural born troublemakers. So there's that to contend with. YOU are not a troublemaker like that, are you Caroline? One lone serious acedemic American, beset by proper british ladies. Who seem to drink a lot, and want to only teach Max...ummmm..THOSE kind of words. Let's just say we are shooting for sometime in this decade. If possible. Nothing firm. No pressure. :)
@Caroline
ReplyDeleteMax gulps as Caroline finally shares her avatar.
Wow! You sure are pretty, Caroline! How come all the Britts are so pretty? It's very distracting to a little dog like Maxy. You know?
Yes, I pretty much call Canadians anything I want to call them. They don't seem to mind. Seem just happy to be noticed up there occasionally. :)
Trouble...? Me...? Of course not!
ReplyDeleteWho is this lone serious acedemic American that you speak of?
I saw other photos in the comments, and was a little confused why I didn't have one... then woe and behold I sussed it out, and loaded one.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the compliment by the way. Maybe I should change it to a picture of my kitty - he has the same pose as your dog, but he is less modest and doesn't have a blanket.
@Caroline
ReplyDeleteJust, you know, tell us about yourself. Embarrassing, very personal stuff if don't mind. Make stuff up. Maxy doesn't care, as long as it is interesting. And the Britts? Well, who really cares, right Caroline? C'mon. Let's see how gifted a storyteller you are. Is Maxy embarrassing Caroline? Sure hope so. Are you blushing? Giggling?Max had better stop before Candy Girl jumps on him with both feet. Spike heeled feet. :)
Max is about a day behind Caroline now.
ReplyDeleteYou what? Sussed? How does one suss?
Where's my Candy Girl?
ReplyDeleteYou better not have really left.
@Caroline
ReplyDeleteWell anyway. You have time for that story. Take your time and make it really good. Show me a little Geordie. Say by 9pm tonight? Is that ok? Sooner if you can. :)
Alreet there Max, yee want te knaa aboot me. Well heor goes. Ahm a lass frem Shotley Bridge. Aa've a thirst not ernly fre beeah but also fre traveling.
ReplyDeleteAh want te see as much o the USA as Ah can while Ahm still living on this side o the pond.
Aa've two cats henry an cleo whee are always up te ne canny good.
An Ahm not telling yee aal owt personal just yet, wi ernly just met.
Well I think I dropped back behind while I was figuring out how to write that.
ReplyDeleteSussed = figured.
Come back Candy Girl.
ReplyDeleteDon't leave me alone with Max.
@Caroline - Wait. I'll be nice. No need to call back the Lady of Discipline just yet.
ReplyDeleteAnd we're not alone. The Britts are just too drunk to see their keyboards. They think they are making many witty comments, but they are just fingering the bare desk. So you'll be ok.
Love the Geordie! But can understand some of it. That's not good, Caroline. Max must be totally baffled. No. Just kidding.
You don't have to actually physically go out and see America, you know. That's a waste of good blogging time. Just go to my post of a few days ago, the one about "The Award for the world's longest post" or something like that. Way down at the bottom are pictures of all the things you would otherwise have to waste time going to see on your own. Now you don't! :)
I figured I should start with beginner level. I'll step it up a notch next time.
ReplyDeleteI had actually started to read that blog, but I gave up on the reading, and just looked at the pictures instead.
Its not always easy to keep my attention.
I believe Candy Girl went to bed. She's entertaining some Swedish gentlemen the only way she knows.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, i'm in PJs myself. Is there any good reason for me to be up at this hour?
@Caroline
ReplyDeleteHeh. You and everyone else. It was kind of a joke that really go out of hand. Never again.
Hey, thanks for stopping by Caroline! It was really cool meeting you! Don't be a stranger, ok?
And Max is serious about stories. They don't all have to all be Geordie, just confusing to Americans. You can write a straight little story, and then "British-ize" it to the max. That's what we need.
You wanna know a secret? There's a strange Amercian way out there in the Mountain West that thinks this new English girl is really swell! Don't tell anybody that Max said that. He has a bad reputation to protect. :)
Probably not, Marmelade. Probably not. Just max.
ReplyDeleteSigh.
But I sure wish you would, orange one.
ReplyDeleteIf you later get insomnia, come turn on the computer and play with night owl Max for a while, will you?
ok, but just a little while. what do you wanna play today?
ReplyDeleteWell, not that.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted my friend's company.
Do you think I offended Bridget today?
Well, if you said nothing more than the comments on this post, by no means she can't be offended.
ReplyDeleteshe's probably off to bed now. she's on the normal side of the planet, like me.
Sorry - been working a lot of hours and have been essentially out of the loop. Just popped in to say that if anyone ever wants to do a guest post on my blog where they do nothing but say what a great writer I am then come on over and I'll open a spot for ya!
ReplyDeleteNot that I would ever get the magnitude and quality of groveling and sucking up that went on here ... (shakes head) ...
Normal side of the planet. Is that what you think of us?
ReplyDeleteOk, I will let you go to bed too. I am being selfish, aren't I?
btw I read your new post. Nice. You are getting better and better. Thank you for the nice words about Yummy. I like it when you do that.
Of course, now I am Jealous again about the Russians. :) How lucky they are!
Glad you puked up their commie shit afterwards, though. :)
btw, I saw that anon. comment about your spelling. Fuck them. Why do some people do that--just go around trying to hurt people's feelings. You're spelling is just fine. Don't change. It is one of the little things that make you special. It bears repeating: fuck them. Of course, if it was one of your friends, I take that back. :)
Goodnight. Maxy will be protecting you while you sleep. I hope you get a chance to talk tomorrow, but I understand if you don't. :))
HI LInda! I've been following you blog. You're doing alright. I see you're getting ready to head out to California soon. Sorry about that. But good that you'll see your friend. Don't look at me if you are serious about a guest post--and I know you aren't. I can't even think up a good comment for your ritzy blog that wouldn't embarrass you. So I just come by and look in the window every day. Thanks for stopping by, you classy red thing, you! :)
ReplyDeleteWell done Canucklehead! Please enlighten me: who ended up getting paid for this post???
ReplyDeleteWhen you say you can't help but get down on yourself - do you have photos of that? I've heard that it's possible, but I've never seen it...
Well, one thing is for sure, Max, even if I do have a "ritzy blog" not worthy of a comment from yourself I get nowhere near the amount of comments that you do here! I'm lucky if I get 20 or so but here - holy smokes, the comments go on forever and ever and ever! Much like that song from the Titanic movie!
ReplyDeleteHi Linda! Come on up to the top post. I want to introduce you to a new English girl, Caroline. OK?
ReplyDeleteLinda, if you are out there, just come in. It isn't as bad as it looks. I promise.
ReplyDelete